How do I learn to change the way I feel about caring for my mom? I'm only 55, I have more than a full-time job, and I'm so tethered to my mom existence now.. My mom is in my house, vulnerable, demanding, impolite to me (not others), and she needs a lot of care - the only thing she can do for herself is wipe her nose and eat. If she's cool or warm at nighttime she doesn't adjust her blankets - she grunts until someone comes - you'd think someone was killer her. She has dementia. She's not my mother any more. I know in relationship she is my mother, but I don't feel like she's my mother - I feel like she's an intruder and I am a hostage.
How do I look at things differently??? I am the one with the problem. I know she can't help herself. What do you do to make it work?
Now your perspective is to find the best living arrangement where someone can care for her 24/7, as it's too much for you to do that now.
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If your mom literally can't do anything for herself except wipe her nose and eat it may be time to look into a nursing home. If she's in a nursing home you will get some distance from her and you can go and visit and not have the additional responsibility of caring for her around the clock.
Many, many people in this situation feel as you do. You're not alone.