I need to vent!

Question

Where to begin. I come from a family of 2 brothers, 2 sisters. All live out of state. I left home at 17 to begin working. I being the eldest daughter always felt like a slave to chores, etc at home. Well that stopped when I left. I really never kept in contact with my family since I was busy with my own life & career. They never talked about anything important always griping about something.
Fast forward. At 52 I retired after 34yrs with same job. I left chicago & moved to Florida where I had always visited & wanted to live. I built my own home with my money & moved down here. BIG MISTAKE! I built right next door to my parents.
My dad was ill but I didnt realize it was so serious. He passed in 2004. In my heart I wanted to be by Dad so we could catch up on old times.So now there is only Mother left in her big old house.
This woman is 85yrs old. I am 62. Neither one of us drive down here. I never learned & didnt have to up north. There is little to no transportation here. So what does she do? She turned into a drug addict recluse!! Will not venture out in the last 10yrs for nothing!
I have hired drivers,friends to help me but she EXPECTS & DEMANDS I do all her shopping,cooking,weeding,cleaning,vacuming,etc while she lays on couch all day. Remember I have my own home to care for?
Now, we have been to many drs & hospitals because she claims she cant breathe(they say she has copd),but she is not following drs orders with her meds & keeps taking otc meds for sleeping,coughing(which is a lie),stomach aches,headaches,you name it she got it.
Well every 3 months she calls 911 to be taken by ambulance to hospital to get admitted! There is nothing wrong with her they say she just wants attention. No I say she wants DRUGS! And so they give her more drugs! She even tells them what to give her! Come ON!!!!
My vent is they keep her overnight or 2 days then send her back home(via taxi) with the drugs she wants & then she thinks I should just take over again because she is sick! HAH! She needs professional help & I have talked to them till I am blue in the face. So last night she claims she has to go to hospital because she is sick. I just blew a gasket at her & told her under NO circumstances is she coming back home with more drugs that her doctors will not give her!
By the way both her doctors are not affiliated with the hospital they take her to. They dont even know she is in there. That is why she goes.
I have been dealing with this nonsense since I moved here with no outside help. I have gotten nurses,caregivers,assisted living,nursing homes,etc to send out personel to give her some options & she calmly says no I can just go into hospital when I need care otherwise my daughter can do it!!!
This is just ridiculous! Im sick & tired of her nonsense.
Thanks for listening.

IloveMom · Accepted Answer

It wouldn't be a bad idea to get her affairs in order anyway.  Talk to her about it over icecream or some kind of treat she likes...Hire a gardner once or twice a month to make the front look good.  Ask her to visit adult day care once or twice a week.  Salvation army, or city hall may have ideas...

Sibling7 · Answer

My prayers are with you Deb. I have been caring for my mother close to 15 years. She will be 90 in September.  She gets around great, in fact sometimes she forgets to use her cane.  Around 4 years ago she she became a severe hypochondriac. We were at the doctors (at least once a week) with of every kind of imaginable cancer, she just knew she had. I was emotionally, and physically drained. I finally got so tired of hearing it for three years, I just agreed with her.  I told her, "you're right mom, you most likely won't live very much longer, we need to get your affairs in order. We need to get your will wrote and your plot picked out.  Be ready tomorrow and we will get everything done. We don't have time to wait" i was going to follow through too. I then walked out of the room. About an hour later she came up to me and told me she was feeling better.  This last year she hasn't told me once that she thought she was dying of some disease.   Just maybe this may work for you. I know this May sound cruel, but I was in tears most every night. Good luck

JessieBelle · Answer

Vent away, Deb. I know there are no easy answers. Sometimes we have to let them do what they want to do. The only things we can decide are what we can do to accommodate. I've seen so many people who are still active at 85. Others are just the opposite, even though their health may be just as good. I wondered if your father did everything for your mother while he was living. Maybe she switched her dependence on him over to you.

deb0452 · Answer

Yes I have told her that & she just says well that is for dying people. I reply isnt that what I get to hear every single day for the last 10yrs that you are sick & dying?!!!!

IloveMom · Answer

Tell her if she is so sick then perhaps "we" should check into assisted Living, or Hospice....

IloveMom · Answer

My friend told her mother, if she can't do things herself, and cant take care of herself she will need to go to assisted living.  Boy she perked up and started remembering how to get dressed, etc.  Years past, now she is my motherers roommate in a a board and care. Single family home with 6 residents and 2 caretakers.  Maybe sell her house and place her in something like that.

I need to vent!

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