So, my Dad died.

Question

I have to share: My parents had a very bad fall (no pun intended). My aunt fell and fractured her pelvis in November, then had a massive stroke in a seemingly good rehab center. A couple of weeks later my dad fell and broke a hip. THEN, my mom fell and broke her collar bone on a visit to my dad. Subsequently, she had a stroke in rehab that went UNNOTICED by the staff. We were begging them to check her urine/give her antibiotics, because she was suddenly catatonic. Flash forward a few months. M&D are home with full time caretakers. We (the kids) learn that Dad has stage 4 cancer. He was in denial. So then he got pneumonia ... You know what? I can't even finish typing this out. What I want to say is that we were all with my dad when he died. It was difficult but we all pulled together. I'm worried about my mom no longer having him around. And I am just SO SAD. So I'm looking for a little comfort, I guess!

lsmiami · Accepted Answer

I am very sorry for your loss. I miss my dad terribly, I know how big a void a dad can leave, even for an adult daughter. I was surprised at how resilient my mother was.
I sincerely wish you and your family peace and love to share.
L

katiekat2009 · Answer

I'm sorry for your loss. My mom died in April. Will pray for your family.

annetx · Answer

(((daughterct))) Condolences. It is so hard. We are with you and sending love.

jeannegibbs · Answer

daughterct, I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you are sad. And your mother is sad. That is normal and healthy. You will move beyond the sadness, each in your own time. I am very glad that the family was together.

pamstegma · Answer

You are a good daughter. Celebrate his life, talk to him everyday inside your head.  Help your mom to grieve at her own pace.  There is no need to hastily get rid of his things.  Take comfort in small things; every time I smell Aramis, my dad's cologne, I feel he is right with me.

Eyerishlass · Answer

I'm so sorry about your dad. (((((((hugs))))))

I lost my dad last year. I'm hoping to move on any day now. :-(

BarbBrooklyn · Answer

Daughter, I'm so sorry for your loss and your worry about your mom.  Try to pamper yourself and her for the short term. Time will tell; and time does heal.

bookluvr · Answer

Daughterct, my condolences.  My dad retired early to take care of mom when she got diagnosed with dementia and it was obvious she needed 24/7 care.  She was beginning to wander and we live near the busy main road.  He spent like 20 years caring for mom, refusing to leave her behind so that he can go to parties,etc... When mom passed away last year (about 18 months ago), we all thought that dad would follow her.  He's still here and going strong.  Sometimes he does forget she's no longer here, and he will tell me to feed mom dinner, or he would call out to mom asking her if she's okay.  I don't correct him or say anything when he's talking to her because he knows she's gone.  If it makes him feel better to talk to her, then that's fine.  I guess you can do the same with your mom.  Watch how she's doing.  You did good.  {{Hugs}}

Countrymouse · Answer

Glad, a flu shot ought not to cause that kind of reaction. Particularly not if she's been having symptoms for 30 hours and only had the shot yesterday. Call a doctor for advice, and if I were you I'd do it now.

anonymous158299 · Answer

sorry for your sudden loss ( es ) daughter . end or near end of life is a confusing time for families. my mom died a year ago from dementia among other things . in her last few weeks she was given haldol injections even tho haldol is dangerous for heart patients . everyone involved , even family , knew she wouldnt be around long and the risk of heart failure was acceptable to see her have some relief from the constant hallucinations and later terminal agitation .
my aunt isnt far from death from dementia herself right now . shes being given ativan to calm her agitation too . sudden heart failure is probably a better scenario than the inevitable prolonged hallucinations and paranoia to come . " comfort " meds are for end stage patients who arent expected to get better . i think theyre the humane approach even when they constitute a risk .

daughterct · Answer

Tongue out. If its not straight, that can be bad. Check for any kind of infection--urine, etc. Insist on the lab work. Again, for stroke, have her grab your hands. Do they feel equally strong? Be an advocate for your mom. Docs are not necessarily proactive with old people and can be harmful: My dad was going to die anyway, they thought. The docs gave him Ativan when he was agitated. That made his blood pressure plummet. Lots of info!

daughterct · Answer

You have to be in charge. Make her stick her t

gladimhere · Answer

DaughterCT, I am sorry for your loss. How comforting to hear that your family was able to provide support for each other when your Dad passed.

How was it determined that your Mom had a stroke? I am wondering about my Mom, but at this point I am attributing the increased sleep, unstableness in walking, etc to the flu shot she had yesterday. In the past 30 hours she has been awake for only four hours.

daughterct · Answer

Thank you! My answer didn't show up. I need the ((hugs)).

JeanetteB · Answer

((((hugs)))) I'm not sure what to say but I feel for you. The death of a parent is so hard. Daughters, I feel, miss their fathers most... least I do.

take a deep breath, do some research, o gosh, .... Just get yourself as together as possible, I normally do not answer such questions as I am so new myself....I feel you sadness... someone much more knowledgeable will be along shortly?

So, my Dad died.

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