I'm caring for my 90 yo mother who has dementia as well as the usual problems that beset folks of this age. I've given up my home, my career and my life to do this. Everything I do revolves around her. I care for her 24/7 and I have had one day off in 7 years. I am 61 years old and I'm living the life of a 90 year old. Mom is an easy care patient and I'm very grateful for that, but there is a big difference in what someone her age and condition wants to do and what someone my age would like to do. Perhaps the biggest thing I miss in this caregiving role is having fun. There is no fun in life anymore. I cannot go anywhere or do anything that brings me joy, how I long for a beautiful hike in the mountains.
I have chosen this role and I do believe I'm doing the right thing for Mom. She seems happy and content but boy some days it's really hard. I've heard some people say that caring for an older person is a lot like caring for a child but I have not found this to be true. With a child everyday you see them learning something new that will lead to their independence and your freedom. With the old folks, through no fault of their own, they become more frail and you more confined as they require more care.
Well, I've vented and I do feel a little better. Thanks for this site.
Thanks again for your ideas and suggestions. It's nice to know that there are others out there who understand what you're going through.
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But, Nojoy3, even if you made this choice freely and even if you are doing the "right" thing, you are not required to be a martyr about it. It is OK -- in fact it is necessary -- for you to have some fun along the way. Really!
If hiking is your thing, join a group of hikers, maybe casual hikers rather than dedicated gung-ho hikers, and arrange care for your mother during their meetings and hikes. Or join a book club. Or go to a Karaoke bar a couple times a month. Whatever you consider fun, find a way to fit it into your life. You do need to see that mother is cared for, but you don't have to provide every minute of the care personally.
Venting is good. Taking action is better. :)