My dad had a life insurance policy worth $50,000 but he missed some payments and lost it. A couple years ago he got paperwork saying he'd missed payment and he'd need to pay a certain amount to keep it. He didn't do that wanting to go through his check books to make sure they were correct. We kept sending monthly payments. He'd get letters but not open them. He wanted to save it for me. I wrote the bills once a month for him. I asked him to call them and see what the deal was. He didn't. Then he gets paperwork that he has to fill out paperwork to re-instate the insurance. He doesn't want to fill it out truthfully b/c he's a quad. He fills it out truthfully finally after a year. and he's denied. Now all i hear is how if we had been more on top of things he'd still have it. He wanted the $ to go towards his family. We have since got a couple small policies 10,000 and a 20,000 but its not enough. I feel so bad anymore like i should have done more. He's not getting any better and he swears he has skin cancer but won't go to the doctor b/c he doesn't have enough life insurance and once they say its cancer he will have to put that down. He wanted me to take life insurance out on him a year ago. I didn't bc i wasn't sure that was right. I guess is have to help with things when he passes.
When I first joined this site I used to try to talk people out of feeling guilty. I've learned that that is seldom possible. Feeling guilty goes with caregiving. If it is not one thing it will be another. You wish you had insisted Dad take care of his policy. Dad likes to tell you that it is your fault, because that relieves some of his guilt feelings. (That doesn't make it true.)
The important thing about caregiver guilt is not to let it interfere with your best judgement. Push it to the background. Go about doing what you can do now, for example about preparing for his funeral, and don't let guilt get in your way.
If it is any consolation for Dad, very, very few people of modest means and chronic illnesses are able to leave anything to family. As the population lives longer, they have to provide for themselves longer. There isn't often much leftover to pass down. Sad? Sure. But hardly your fault.
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