Sad day.

Question

I put my mom in a NH yesterday. I don't feel guilty just very sad and weepy. I wish I could have a good cry but I have to put on my happy face when I go to visit her today. I'm one of those people whose eyes puff up and stay that way for a good 24 hours after a cry so she would know. I think I'll schedule a melt down for Sun night.

Oh great! As I'm writing this my husband with AD just said he wants me to bring her home because family should stay together. If I don't go get her he said he will take me to court. I guess he misses her too. If he keeps it up I may remind him that the sitter he hates won't be coming here anymore.

anonymous205731 · Accepted Answer

You're right. He wants to go with me so I may have to sneak out.

littletonway · Answer

Taking your husband does not sound like a good idea.  He needs time to adjust just like your Mom.  Take good care of yourself!!

anonymous205731 · Answer

I didn't have time to have my scheduled meltdown Sunday night but guess who's having one now. My husband. He's crying and still wants to bring my mother home.

I was going to take him with me tomorrow when I take my mother to the Dr. and then to lunch but now I'm not sure if I should. When he sees the residents in the NH I know he'll be even more upset. I thought about going to get her and then coming back home to pick him up but he would be with us when I take her back to the NH. He will want to go in.

JessieBelle · Answer

I would just tell hubby that you are still together, just together in two different places. Your mom is in a place where she can get the best care and you can visit her. Is it possible for your husband to go with you, or would that cause too much trouble?

I'm glad you are getting some help, lataza. It was too much for one person to shoulder.

pamzimmrrt · Answer

We placed my dad in MC this week, I feel for you. I know he is better off, and so are we but it is HARD!

blannie · Answer

I'm so sorry you're going through this. A big virtual hug from one caregiver to another. I hope you find time for a good cry, I always find them very therapeutic - tiring, but worth it.

JeanetteB · Answer

I'm so sorry lataza... perhaps if husband continues this, just remind him if he misses her that much and wants to resort to court, well, he can go stay in the NH with her. :)

(((hugs))) to you!

anonymous205731 · Answer

I do feel some relief. Maybe that's why I don't feel guilty plus I know she is safe. I don't think my husband would ever hurt her on purpose but when he is having a fit she could have accidently been hurt.

freqflyer · Answer

lataza, I am glad you don't feel guilty as so many do whenever they place a love one in a continuing care facility.  I was wondering how you were dealing with having two people at home both with major dementia, that must have been exhausting.  I bet a part of you is quite relieved.

Sad day.

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