When the family is against you.

Question

...I KNOW I whine a lot here. This has been a REALLY difficult transition for my father and I both.

While I was in the hospital with Pneumonia, my "family" really had a field day with what little authority I had.

Apparently Dad called his ex wife and her hubby (LONG story) in tears saying he was scared and that he doesn't feel like he has much time left... blah, blah, blah.... so she tells him that they will come and get him and take him back to his hometown. HUH?!?!?

When he was in the hometown...living only 15 minutes away from her, she apparently earned her angel wings for bringing him a hot meal every day. Yet, she didn't bother to step up to the plate when he could no longer live alone!!! In fact, none of those with whom he shares DNA remotely offered to help, yet I became the BAD guy for taking him to my city.

So... now I REALLY look like the evil one. Apparently I'm doing such a terrible job that they feel the need to intervene.... SERIOUSLY?!?!

They wouldn't last a day!

It's just so interesting how those on the outside can form opinions so quickly. This ex-wife quickly advised me to have Dad committed after a weekend bank outburst, but two days later she wants to save the day?

What gives? It's hard enough to have to deal with all that comes with caring for someone I can't even stand most of the time... now I have to deal with the family? No thank you!!!

thezookeeper · Accepted Answer

Well it is extremely common for other family members to criticize, complain and even file law suits against the person(s) doing the caregiving -- not sure why, there can be so many reasons behind people's behaviours, but it's usually driven by the underlying family dynamics.  Dysfunctional families really show their true colors when caregiving is involved.  Just read the posts - search for "bad family" and see how many hits you get!  Probably the most common reason people turn to this forum for advice and support.  I know that even the siblings I had good relations with turned sour shortly after I started caring for my parents.  It's 20 years later, and there has been no let-up in the family nastiness.  My advice is to just ignore them -- do you really want those people (or need them) in your life?  Remember: you did not pick them, and you don't have to keep in contact with any of them.

littletonway · Answer

Do you have POA and all the legal documents in place? If so, then you are the boss; if not, your Dad can do what he wants.  I am all for letting family help out, as long as it doesn't put the loved one in danger.  Let him be and allow the helpers to learn what caregiving is all about.  Give yourself time to get healthy...because you know Dad will be coming back to you.

When the family is against you.

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