Am so thankful I found this website. All these years I thought I was the only one that had issues with my elderly mom. At first I thought she was coming down with dementia because she was becoming so mean to me, but she didn't have any memory loss associated with the disease. So I began to think it was me and that I was an ungrateful, good for nothing daughter. It's been hard and there were times when I hit rock bottom emotionally. The one thing that kept me afloat was writing in a journal when things got really bad. My downward spiral started when my Dad passed away in 2007. Before he passed he asked me to take care of mom and I promised myself I would include her in everything so she would never be alone. I have to say that I've kept that promise but at the expense of my own happiness and well being. In the beginning I thought her meaness towards me was her way of mourning Dad's passing. It wasn't. It has gotten worse over the years and I've gotten so tired of my life. But then I found this website and see there are others going through the exact same situation and realizing it's not because of me being an ungrateful, good for nothing daughter. It's her aging and becoming more difficult as time passes. Wish someone like Dr. Phil, Dr Oz or Oprah would bring to light those of us who have to deal with difficult aging parents and provide information as to available resources. I'm done being an unappreciated slave to a controlling, nagging and downright mean mother. I know it's going to take some time to get out from underneath her thumb, but I have to start before she completely destroys my life. Thank you agingcare.com for throwing me a lifeline.
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I've noticed that even for shows that are about elder care that they have been sanitized. It may be partly to maintain the dignity of the elder. It may be avoidance of the gross factor. Who really wants to see a poopy diaper from anyone, even a baby?
I wonder, too, how easy it would be to do a documentary. How many care receivers and givers would be willing to open their homes to a film crew? I know I wouldn't, even though nothing really "gross" happens around here. There are a lot of books written about caregiving. The bad thing about them, I've found, is they say a caregiver do more and more. The emphasis always seems to be on the care receiver, while the only advice for the giver is to be sure to take some respite time. Caregivers need their own lives and respite time is not the same as a life. We see the question in various forms here that addresses this problem -- how can I balance caregiving and my personal life. That is a tough question to answer unless someone has a lot of help. There are a lot of ways to do it, but often the elder is not open to changes. So what to do?
In fact, all the years I have been watching Dr. Phil, I don't recall seeing a show where one is dealing with an elder... except for those Catfish shows where Mom or Dad falls for an e-mail scam and sends tens of thousands of dollars to someone who doesn't really exist.
You could still take care of Mom even if she was living in assisted living/nursing home. If money is an issue, see if she could qualify for Medicaid.
I am also tired, mainly emotionally tired, and here my parents still live under their own roof, and me under my own. I believe our elders get angry because they have lost so much of their freedom... gone are the days where they could hop in the car to go to the store whenever they want.... gone are the days when they could see and hear clearly.... gone are the days when their minds were on full speed.