Placing Mom in an assisted living facility.

Question

After my mother fell, I was able to place her into an assited living facility. Some of my relatives were upset that I did that. Amazing that these same " so concerned " relatives barely called and hadn't visited her in years. Trust me, I sent them a strong message. I let them all know that she is my mother not theirs and until they walk in my shoes, go somewhere sit down and be quiet. Not one of them offered any help or assistance. My mother has been in the facility now for one week and some of the changes that I see in her are amazing. She is so engaged in their social activitles and she is doing well with social interaction with the other residents. She still has her dementia moments but she is still on track due to excellent care that the staff members give to her. I visited every other day and I am just very confident that she can only get better. I have made a wise decision to put my mother in a place where she will receive the care that she needs and deserves. I am confident that if anything happens to me, she is safe.I could care less about my nosey relatives.

gladimhere · Accepted Answer

So, your mom has not been there very long? How was her first week? Did the facility ask you to stay away for a period of time to aid in her adjustment?

Butterfly57 · Answer

@gladimhere. To answer your question, my mother fully recognizes me as her adult daughter even though she wanted to treat me like child. During the later months in 2014, my mother had two caregivers who both quit on her before Christmas, I was laid off from my job and moved in and took care of her. For nearly four months, I stayed with her trying to get her stabilized with help. However,my mother did not really want to pay anyone a decent wage and that left me stuck with her trying to figure out how was I going to make it. She did hire someone in January but the this caregiver only came 3 to 4 times a week and when she had emergencies and there were many I was there by myself taking care of my mother. I was unable to accept a job. I finally decided that she had to go to a facility because she refused to hire anyonelse.  And yes my mother certainly experienced sundowning and would go out of the house at night. That was a horrible experience for me. After I got her cataracts removed from each eye, she did much better and too it was in the winter months and it was too cold for her to go out.  I am glad she is in assisted living and keeping her on schedule. Even though I have not always lived with my mother, I have been providing care for her over a decade.

gladimhere · Answer

Chicago, how long has your mom been there? How was it in she beginning?

Chicago1954 · Answer

My mother is also thriving. She is 96 and in a nursing home. But, she is cared for and has company.

gladimhere · Answer

Butterfly, thank you for sharing this. Placement for my mom will probably be this summer and it scares me to death. I have heard so many horror stories about what happens when they all of the sudden are in unfamiliar surroundings. Course my mom's home of 50+ years is no longer familiar to her.

Butterfly, did you provide care for your mom 24/7? Does your mom experience sundowning? Does she ever think you are not her daughter because you are too old? Did she ever become agitated?

blannie · Answer

Good for you!! Sounds like you did the best thing you could for both your mom and yourself. Hang in there.

Placing Mom in an assisted living facility.

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