It was suggested I start a thread on combining households. My Mom and I live together in a 4 bedroom home. I moved out of my three bedroom home; downsized what I could, but still kept many of my belongings when and if I needed to have my own place again. My Mom moved out of a two bedroom apartment. There was not one inch of carpet nor one inch of wall space void of pictures or furniture. My Mom is 85 and unable to live on her own as she does not drive, take public transportation or manage her own finances.We moved in together as her husband was wheelchair bound and she needed help caring for him. His children lived in other states and did not have much to do with him. He passed one year after we moved in. She is very forgetful and misplaces items and does not remember to shut off the oven/stove. Yesterday after two years of living together, she wrote me a letter demanding I "get rid" of my boxes in the garage. My boxes contain pots and pans, dishes, flatware, books, clothes and keepsakes. 1/4 of the boxes are hers that were never unpacked. She also wants me to get rid of two pieces of my furniture (armoirs) that are in the spare bedrooms. The family room and two bedrooms contain her furniture (expect for the armoirs). All the kitchen items are hers. The living room contains both our furniture. The garage is a three car, and our storage boxes combined do not take up one car space. She has always been controlling and manipulative. She literally "ambushes" me when I come in the door after work. I clean the house, pool and do the yard maintenance. I also pay her bills and help her out financially. When I ask her why after two years she is telling me to get rid of my personal belongings, her comment is she feels like she is being buried alive (drama). Does anyone have experience with this? I've already asked her if she wanted to live alone, then she can have the whole place to herself. Under no circumstances will I downsize even more.Thank you in advance for your suggestions and comments.
I'm sure this all makes sense but it is confusing to me. Could you explain a little more about the ownership of the house? And how much "caregiving" you provide.
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Mom was doing fine financially after my Dad passed, he left her well situated. However, not having a budget and continuing to live like when Dad was alive, she blew through the money quickly. She remarried and was able to still maintain a comfy lifestyle. Her second husband only had his social security, nothing else. Thus, she lives on my Dad's social security combined with hers. Plenty if you want to be thrifty. She does not want to live in senior housing/apt. even though the rent would be far less than the mortgage. It makes no sense. I'm wondering if there is some dementia or mental illness going on.
I find it quizzical that your Mom wrote you a letter asking you to get rid of the boxes in the garage... instead of talking to you about this situation that is bothering her. Sounds like she wants the house to be "hers" with only her items like it was back when her husband was alive. Sure sounds like she want to be on her own. Maybe go back to living in an apartment, the same one if one is available and affordable. She could be missing her friends there.