Needy mother-in-law.

Here is a quick update. My husband just informed me that we will be adding on to our home and she will go in the space and we won't even have to cross each other's paths. I am beyond excited. I am going to have to cut my loses on this relationship and just learn from it by treating my DIL better than she treats me.

I love that idea freqflyer. She tries so hard to help that she overstep her boundaries and it usually ends up with me not allowing her to help me. I think the list will keep her stay busy without even coming
to me or being in my way.

Tonnie, if your Mom-in-law is going to act like a spoiled teenager, then she needs to live with the consequences of acting like one. Give her chores to do, find the things she likes to do around the house [I know, easier said then done]. Do the children have chores? I know this may sound silly, make up a chart with the kid's names, her name, and even your's and hubby's names with a list of chores.

As you know with children, if they don't do their chores, something has to give, like only one hour of TV or no TV. And make that for Mom-in-law, too. Ok, she will pout, and you may have to give her time-out. See if the children can help her make a game out of the chores, like asking her for advice on how to do things.

If that doesn't work, she can pout in her own senior apartment.

If you want your MIL gone you need to talk to your husband. Sounds like your husband is not proactively doing anything to move his mother out into her own space. With the new school year starting soon, your children may benefit from their mother NOT being stressed out by grandma. I suggest you take your husband out of the house to have this chat. Don't expect any decisions to be made the first time; however, set a reasonable time frame (2-3 weeks) within which to make a decision both you and your husband can live with. Go look for housing/real estate options before you let her know that she will be moving out. I wish you lots of luck!

And let us know how this goes; we learn from each other!

I will. Thank you!

Okay, so YOU want her out of your house. How does your husband feel about this? At minimum I would require:

1. Get her in to see an internist to check out her basic physical health.
2. Get her to a psychiatrist for evaluation of her mental status
3. Get her to a neurologist who specializes in assessment of those with cognitive decline/dementia.

Ask each of these doctors for an opinion about what kind of living situation she should be in.

Please point out to your husband that the care and wellbeing of your children should come first.

Yes MIL lives with US. She is 70 yrs old with no physical limitations or health issues. She once owned her home but took out equity , made bad investments and ended up owing more on the house
than it was worth. She has a small retirement check that contributes to the bills but its not needed to maintain. There has been no mental evaluation mainly because I think her family would rather just ignore it because they ignore her. She wont go into a nursing home because she probably knows that once she is there she wont have any real attachment to family. She has caused so many issues within her family that no one really wants to be around her. I just want her out of my house. And ended up owing more on the home than what it was worth so my husband decided to let it go to relieve her of the stress. She has NOT had any sort of treatment of a mental illness because everyone for some reason is scared of the outcome and has seemed to just ignore it and her all together. My husband handles her financial affairs because she has no clue or at least pretends.

So, your MIL lives with you (and her son?). How did it happen that she needed to live WITH anyone? How old is she and what are her physical impairments ? Is her depression/mental illness being treated? Has she been seen by a psychiatrist and is there a treatment plan?

How is your husband involved in her care? Is she living in your house, or is your family living in hers? Does the rent she pays play an important part in keeping your budget balanced or would you folks be fine without it? Does she qualify for subsidized senior housing?

Lots of questions, I know. But you'll get better answers with a more rounded picture.

There is no reason she has to stay in your house. She would probably be happier around those of her own age - depending on her limitations - an IL or AL apartment for her. Good luck!