About disagreements on the site...

BTW, the thread is back. It is cleaned up a bit, but most of it was left intact.

I agree with the author of this subject post. A little bit of diplomacy can be accomplished, even with varying opinions. Yes there are trolls and some quetionable postings, but I choose to ignore them.

I like to "look at the source" before I make judgement..

I miss all the fun.... pbftttt !

The OP made quite a number of inflammatory statements before anyone responded to her. The one that got me was "If you're letting caregiving take over your life, you're doing it wrong".

It's not clear what this had to do with the OPs original complaint about a sibling moving a parent away from the rest of the family, but it has a lot to do with my life and the lives of many of the folks here. The compulsion that a lot of do-nothing sibs have to "blame the victim" jumped right off the page at me, and I jumped right on it. That was I think when the discussion started to unravel. I am not ever going to let someone get away with saying carp like that to a roomful of beleaguered caregivers.

You made green goulash? Is it kinda spidery green?

Gershun, 100 % said without a doubt better than I could ever have typed it or said it! You are awesome!
Send... wow, not only am I blind from your new avatar but I'm trying to read through my goulash I just SPLATTED all over my screen! How funny!!

I hate to debate the debate, but I disagree Jessie. As I recall the thread this thread could well have been a good discussion about do nothing sibs, guilt, pity parties etc. I didn't see anything that warranted the over the top responces from the OP, but once it gets going it's hard not to jump in and get your pound of flesh or defend your friends.

With few exceptions the regulars around this forum are a bunch of pretty compassionate, intelligent, well spoken folks. Most of us have no problem with agreeing to disagree while respecting the others opinion.

And again, I was right in there for a while with everyone else but in hindsight as soon as it turned into a schoolyard brawl I wish I had baled out.


It's really no different than some posts you see, you read through it and think "You've gotta be kidding". You don't respond and keep looking for some intelligent life elsewhere.

I think Gershun said it best, "Nah, why bother". That's the best course sometimes.

I think giving the high sign is a good idea for those of us that do not want to be sucked in but are not as discerning as others. So go with your green splat or discuss your favorite story Three Billy Goats Gruff and we will greet it and move on to something more worthy of our attention

I will be very honest - I participated because it allowed me to channel frustration and a little bit of anger built up over various issues - the problems with my father's last hospitalization, the attitude of one of the doctors toward me and of another toward my father, the mistakes that could have been avoided....

Even though some of them were resolved, I resented being treated with a lack of respect. Had I treated any client like that when working for law firms, I would have been fired. So instead of saying what I'd like to say to the medical folks, I'll let some poster like MouseHunter feel my wrath instead. And since Mousey was definitely a provocateur, which is evident from early on, my feeling was that no respectful treatment was necessary to him/her/it or whatever it was.

Okay, let's not try to control people. If people want to get in a flame or whatever, it is up to them. If we start doing infantile stuff, it would really be awful. To be honest, the problem wasn't so much with the OP, it was with the response to him/her. Some of that really went to the beyond and the OP responded to that.

I just saw a post on my Facebook feed that applies perfectly to today's melee. The caption said:

Those who stir the sh*tpot should have to lick the spoon.

LOL!!!

Green SPLATT! The green splatt brigade. When two or more show up, it's time to bail. What's for dinner?

Good suggestion Glad. We could ask the experts like Cwillie, Garden Artist, Igloo, Fregflyer, VStephans, and others to start drafting a caregiver code. A green Splatt avatar would be easy to change quickly, and posted as a code to bail. Windy and Cwillie already have one.

I didn't get involved with that whole discussion. I read the posts, thought of joining in and then said Nah, why bother. I've met people in my life who just love to bait others and you really take the wind out of their sails if you just ignore them.

Suggestion for ending those things before they become insults all directions is to ask Send to change her avatar, yes again, with a thumbs down sign when it is time. Or anybody for that matter.

Jessebelle, you really should post your very interesting question as a new post. You are really thinking about marrying your ex's bil?

LOL JessieB! I bailed early when things got nasty, but it did start out as an interesting thread. I don't think most of the people on here are up for debates though, caregiving is stressful enough.

You kidding? I thought that was a very interesting thread if the weird parts were ignored. There were some really good things said and I got to know two people better than I'd known them before, since we're rarely on the same thread.

So now we're back to questions like Will I lose my Medicaid if I marry my ex's brother's BIL who has a house and a huge mortgage, but I love him? :P

Windy, thanks for asking about my cat.
That is an unplugged Mouse, electronic mouse in its mouth. Lol.

Suppose now we have to protect the feelings of the OP, since his thread was unplugged, he is still hunting? Splatt!

There actually were early-on 'heads up' posted by Garden Artist. And Carla, you were great, early on. Windy, you did not keep the post going, you were fine.

What concerns me were the (imop) vulnerable caregivers (not all) who appeared to identify with their captor (mousehunter) just as if they were suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Knowing this person would attack back with insults if you disagreed, I don't like to see others hurt by posting to give a predator more ammo.
That is why I stayed around.
But, they are sincere, and may not have caught on at all or not read all the posts prior to posting their heartfelt feelings. Hope everyone is okay now.

Windy was the last one to post, he misses the excitement. lol

Well, Windy, I'd like to agree with that, but it's hard (impossible) for me to keep my mouth shut when someone says outrageous things or when they insult another caregiver. Maybe we need someone (like you) to give us the high sign when it's time to bail. If enough of us bail together, maybe the thread will die a natural death instead of having to be removed by the site facilitator.

The poster actually blamed me. It is everybody else's fault.

A suggestion for discussion.

We just had this thing with Mouse hunter. And there will be people like that again I'm sure. Real, fake, troll, who knows, it doesn't matter. It livens things up a bit but it gets to people.

I would propose that in the future when it's quite clear there's going to be no resolution to the issues and insults, we bail out. I'm just as guilty as anyone. It's fascinating when this nut bag stuff pops up and hard to ignore and hard not to get drug into circular debates.

But in hindsight it's pretty clear when this thread took a hard left. We all should have bailed out a lot sooner. I'm going to try to avoid getting sucked into this stuff in the future. It was kinda fun though.......

All I know is that almost everyone has a different view of things and can often give insight that Others don't have.i really depend on this sight and need everyone who has more experience than me. Since I just started this journey last year, that would mean most of you.

Jeanette I think on the contrary. When you stop being a caregiver its usually because the worst has happened. If anything I think we are even more vital to this site cause we now know the beginning, middle and end of caregiving. As former caregivers we can help those of you who are still in the midst of it maybe stop and appreciate those moments however mind numbingly awful they can be. Just think about what the alternative is going to be. The grief we live with everyday is another kind of hell, trust us.

Jeanette, thanks for staying with us. I agree, we do not seek attention, and do not post for sympathy or special attention, but we do have to be brave enough to come back and keep telling the truth, like you have done.

I personally get embarrassed with attention on my issues. Some issues are painful to me. Some people have problems with me, but the majority are kind and supportive. I do not seek to change their minds about me. Often, I have to practice restraining my comments so I won't hurt their feelings. But, just wanted you to know, I too get hurt by life and other caregivers comments. There are people on here that I share my profile with by private messages because I sincerely must (really must) protect others confidentiality.

My husband and I will be alone for the upcoming holidays, with so many birthdays in November, I will send cards to siblings. If you need to private message me for any reason, just do! If we were having a big family meal, we would invite you to join us, and that would not be a mercy invite, it would just be because you are loved. Wouldn't it be nice to have a caregiver's thanksgiving all together??

Maybe a virtual meal will work.

This is one of the better forums I've been on in a long time. I'm not on most of them for the reasons mentioned with trolls and just plain nasty people. I figure I've got enough drama in real life I'm don't need one online too. But when this caregiving became so prevalent I needed help processing how my life has turned upside down. This place does that for me.

I agree I think everyone here are very polite and good natured in their postings for the most part considering the various backgrounds and such. This forum ministers to me in ways which I'll never be able to articulate. Sometimes in laughter, sometimes tears and sometimes both. I have a lot of gratitude in my heart for the love and support on here.