Sibling issues...............continued

Yes I am Mom's guardian. And guardian of her estate. All of Mom's things are packed and in a storage shed. The only thing I kept out when packing things up were family records that I would need for Medicaid and legal issues. As far as the portrait it is not of her, it is of our dead sister, and if Mom gets a bigger room down the road I will hang it in her room, she has had it for 40 years. I think of it this way, if I were in a nursing home, how would I feel if the people who supposedly "love" me want to start stripping me of all my memories and possessions? I wouldn't like it at all. It's called respect.

I should have qualified my idea - yes, absolutely, if Mom is benefiting from having any items, it is not right to start giving them away. You can promise it for later instead.

Unless your mom is really using all the sister's baby pictures, baby book and portrait, I would seek legal counsel as to if I could provide them to sister. Are you guardian of the person and estate? If it's legal, I would try to do it. I'd make sure it was appropriate. I might even ask permission of the court to do it. The items have no actual value, do they. Why withhold them?

The sad reality here is that Mom is still alive, therefore no one is entitled to her personal possessions. Before I took guardianship my sister even tried getting into my Mom's apt. to get her jewelry, lied to her landlord trying to get him to let her in. I have already told everyone that when Mom Passes I will gladly hand over the keys to the shed and they can go for it, and all of us agree, except for her. Mom had emergency surgery the first of August and my "sister" has made it up one time, for two hours to see her. As soon as she found out that Mom's stuff was in storage and she couldn't get to it, she didn't even attempt to come up again.

Look, keep this in perspective. Asking for her baby book and a few items and her questioning to a good attorney who still has YOUR interest at heart is not "a living hell" exactly. Hassles you don't really need on top of all the practical and emotional considerations involved in guardianship, sure. Send her the stuff. Skip the COD. Return kindness and concrete reassurance that you are doing the right things right for hostility and suspicion when you can, and it **may** break the cycle.

There are families where one sibling does mishandle stuff, and you sound like a very responsible person who does not deserve the accusations and stepped in to take over exactly when and how you should have, being the one closest to Mom, but your distant sibling is legitimately hurting some too. Don't over-react and overdefend, but probably don't ignore even though you are legally entitled to. Here's hoping this all gets a little easier as trust is rebuilt and emotional adjustments are made to the sad realities of what is happening to Mom.

It's good the attorney let you know. I might discuss options with the attorney. Certainly, they've seen things like this before. Maybe she can send a letter or something on a limited basis and flat fee.

My sister. The attorney contacted me to let me know before she returned her call. She has told her that she is not longer under retainer and her involvement in the guardianship has ended. My sister lives 200 miles away, never comes to see Mom and is upset because she did not get co-guardianship, so she has planned to make my life a living hell. I know I am doing nothing wrong, I am doing everything legally, by the book, but it still emotionally takes a toll.

Who is calling the attorney and complaining about how you are handling things? Mom or sister? Attorney should NOT discuss anything about a case with someone who is not the client.

If sister has a beef, she can file something with the court. If it's off base, I'd ask to be reimbursed for attorney fees in defending it.

Ask the lawyer how to prevent her from doing this. Ask attorney about sending her a cease and desist letter. The laws on this vary by state.

I think I would ignore her and instruct her to communicate with me my mail only. When she realizes her efforts are pointless, maybe she will stop.

Who asked for baby pictures, baby book and portrait? Sister? If you feel you should send them, then I would send them to her. Make a copy first or you may have an attorney do it so she can't claim you never sent them or that you sent them damaged.

If you aren't going to send them, then explain why to her in writing or go through an attorney.