She raised me. I had no dad or mom so This Amazing woman (my Grandma) raised me. I was with her til the day she passed. I can't sleep eat or anything but I have 4 kids and can't seem to get a grip on anything. I get so mad all the time, I feel like I want to be alone all the time and I know I cant. PLease someone tell me how I can get better for myself and my kids. I cant do this much longer its heart wrenching. Thank you
When a dear friend of mine passed away I wrote him a very long letter, telling him how much he meant to me, how much I missed him.....all the things I wanted to say but never got the chance to verbalize before his passing - some things I had said before but wanted to say again. Then I took an metal bucket out in the back yard about midnight, said a few prayers, thought of the good moments we had together while I looked at the stars - then burned the letter in the metal bucket....releasing my words into the universe.
It felt like a closing. Like I was able to let him go. It helped.
Cancer in its final stages is devastating and emotionally so for the person as well as the family. I don't say this to be cruel, but only to keep perspective: would you have wanted her to live longer under these circumstances?
Ideally, there would be a cure for cancer, there would not be carcinogenic substances in our food supply, air or items we use. Unfortunately, until then, cancer will make life miserable for many people.
Your grandmother sounds like a very special person; try to remember her that way, the times you spent together, how much she enriched your life. Have you made a scrapbook of photos, of special times, of special events? Have you journalled or written down your memories? Sometimes that can be a method of channeling the grief.
And perhaps the best tribute of all is that you can try to be like her to your own children. Instead of wanting to be alone, try to think of every moment with your children as a time when you can share your grandmother's legacy, when you can be like her and teach your children compassion and help them to grow up to be valued people.
If you think of every moment in terms of how she influenced you, perhaps you can remember her and embrace her legacy that way.
I also wouldn't hesitate to get grief counseling from the funeral home or your church (if you have one) to help you through this rough time. It took me years to accept the loss of my mother and sister, close together. I wish I'd had then the perspective I did now - I just kept wondering if I had done everything I could for them, and that tormented me for years.
In retrospect, signing the DNR order for my sister was probably the kindest act I ever did for her because it took the responsibility of that final decision from her, and relieved her of more of the suffering and pain she was experiencing.
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I think there are support groups that can help with that too. I would check online for Bereavement Support Groups. They can help you through this.
It takes time, so be patient with yourself. Know that others do care about you. You can also post on this site. There are many people here who have also lost loved ones. You can share your thoughts and feelings here at anytime and get compassionate support.
I lost my grandmother, who was more like a mother than a grandma, when I was a child. It was a huge loss, but I have always known that she is still with me. She watches over and even over 40 years later, I still feel her presence. Just knowing that she is watching over me helps me so much. I also know that I will see her again one day. I don't know if you are religious, but my faith helps me. If you have any religious background, you might contact the minister or priest to get more support. That brings some people comfort.
I try to think of what my grandma would want me to do. Would she want me to be happy, living life and helping others? Yes, so that's what I try to do. I don't think your grandma would want you to be miserable, so I would allow myself to grieve, but then work on living the way grandma would have been proud.