I don't know what to do anymore, I have felt like a prisoner for 3 years now. I really think I'm about to have a nervous break down. I work a full time job, I have my mom with Alzheimer's and a step son that is special needs and my husband travels 1/2 the month. I'm lucky that mom has a caregiver so I can go to work its my only escape. I don't want this to be taken wrong I dearly love my mother and step son but I feel like I'm left all alone to do all this and I'm to the point that I have been letting my house go and that is so not like me, I go to work and come home and sit her because its hard to take mom out and a few times she has had panic attacks so just to go to the grocery store is a big deal for me. I have never been like this, I use to take such pride in my home but lately on my days off I just sit in my bed and stare at the TV. I can't seem to accomplish anything. My mom and stepson fight over attention its like having 2 kids that are about the age of 7. I have disowned my sister and niece, I had to get rid of some of the stress and I chose to let them go, they refused to help I have told them how I'm feeling and they could care less. I guess I could hire someone to come on weekends to get out of the house but I have no energy to go or do anything. I have gone to the doctor and talked to them but he just wanted to put me on medication and when I read about the medicine it sounded so bad that I decided not to take it, I have even talked to a councilor and that really did not do anything, I refuse to put mom in a home, she is not that bad but I just feel like I'm going to loose my mind most of the time, I don't know how to snap out of this, its really bad and I just seem to get more and more depressed everyday. Believe me I have though about a vacation but I don't think a week or two will fix this situation. I have now had 2 friends tell me they are worried I'm going to stroke out due to the pressure and length of time that this has been going on. I just really have no clue what to do anymore.
Sometimes I do get so depressed I think well maybe I should just give up and put mom in a home. My mom is not progressing the way you would think, she seems to progress a little at a time but its mostly just short term memory issues, she is very coherent, I know my mom well, she is very dependent on me. She never did anything without my father and I know that if she though I was going to put her in a home she would shut down and it would kill her. I do adore Mom, but its not good, I am so depressed I know she knows something is up and I don't want her to feel like a burden. I have wonderful friends one stops every weekend just to sit with Mom in case I want to get out. I have just noticed that I'm withdrawing more and more and just sitting there, I'm not really taking care of my house anymore and its just not me. I don't know what to do to pull out of all of this.
Jeannegibbs, Yes he will do that the issue is me. I just tend to sit and stare at this point. I desperately need to snap out of this I just don't have a clue on how to go about it. Its getting worse and worse that Is why I came to you guys, I just feel you understand where most don't.
Gladimhere, Thank you, I will try an elder care therapist. Maybe that was my problem I guess I just chose the wrong type of therapist.
And then can you have a whole day for the two of you, breakfast up to bed time? This would require someone to stay with the two "kids" of course, but your mental health and your marriage are worth it!
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Once I went away for a weekend but I couldn't enjoy myself as I was worried about my elderly parents in their own home on their own [Mom refused caregivers or even cleaning service]. That weekend away just added MORE to the stress. That was 6 years ago, haven't been away since.
I also went to therapy and it wasn't that much help because the therapist wasn't familiar with elderly care, but I did learn one thing regarding my own parents that my parents had to take full responsibly for the decision that they make. And for me to stop enabling my parents because of their decision. I was losing my life to keep their lifestyle going.
I hate to say this but you may want to rethink about having your Mom move to Assisted Living or memory care. Remember 40% of caregivers pass away while caring for a love one..... then what? Your Mom would be moved into AL or MC and continue to live for another 10 years... but your hubby and son would be without you. Something to think about. Heavens, maybe your Mom might enjoy being around people her age, and even make a new BFF.
It's good that you are able to write down your feelings and share. That's a step in the right direction. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and depressed. If your doctor prescribed medication, I'd consider how it could help. If you are still against it, then I might seek some counseling. A counselor would be a start for more of a support system.
It sounds like you have quite a bit on your plate. Working full time, caring for your mother with dementia and taking care of a special needs child is more than most people could take on. No wonder that you are overwhelmed. Who wouldn't be? I think I might sit down and write out what is reasonable. As long as you insists on having unrealistic work load, then I can't imagine why you would feel better or have a better outlook. Is there any reason you haven't sought out outside help? I would look for resources of people, agencies, etc. that offer support for people in your situation. You can pay if possible, but there are sometimes resources for those who do not have funds.
People with dementia generally progress in the disease, so I would take that into consideration too. I'd try to make some plans to get help and make my responsibilities more reasonable. I wish you all the best.