When the person your caring for makes things even more stressful.

At least where my mom did rehab from her stroke, antidepressants were started as a matter of course. Depression is a known side effect of both open heart surgery and stroke. If your husband has turned down the antidepressants, override that decision if you can. They'll make a huge difference in his outlook and recovery.

Hadnuff, clinical depression follows stroke like sore muscles follow taking too much exercise. It'll happen, make sure your husband's doctors have it covered.

I want to say this but I don't want you to be upset by it, I just want you to remember it when you are feeling overwhelmed by too many problems. You do have a tendency to go looking for trouble, and - lo and behold! - finding it. Try to focus on what really matters and just wave at the rest as it goes by.

E.g. rehab bedlinen. Not your problem. Snoring roommate. Well oh deary me - better than a farting one. As you say yourself, you can't fix everything. Stop trying, then.

Pin up the desiderata. Memorise the serenity prayer. Soon your husband will be home, and "sufficient unto the time is the trouble thereof": his stay in rehab is your chance to charge your batteries in advance. Use it.

Hadnuff, this just happened a week ago? Oh , I am sorry! I hope he is improving physically! Yes, I'll bet he's sensitive, he completely out of his comfort zone, and your not there 24/7, seeing to his every need! He's just missing you! But he's got to do the rehab! He's in the best place right now. Let us know how its going, and don't sweat the small stuff, you need rest too!

Sorry about typos - hit send by accident as I was beginning to proof read - grrr!

Here's my best guess - your husband has had a stroke, a very scary thing and I imagine he is feeling terrified, facing his mortality and concerns as to what old age has in store for him. You say he's not depressed - how could one NOT be depressed, knowing you had a brain bleed serious enough to put you in the hospital and then rehab. Being in a rehab facility in itself is enough to scare and depress even the most resilent of souls. I would guess that your husband is searching for some measure of control - he couldn't control having a stroke so now is trying to control his environment. And of course, in hospitals and/or rehab this is impossible - someones telling you what to do, dictating when and what you eat - even perhaps when to go to the bathroom. Add in tests, PT, blood draws, urine samples - the GD bed alarm even has control. So - it's the pillow case, the shirts, the belt etc. Try to put yourself in his position and be as patient as possible. If he continues to struggle see about a prescription of anti anxiety meds - for you both.

You sound very sensitive, however, if you don't set some limits, you're not going to be much good to anyone.

I think I would make a list of some things I observed about him and discuss it with his doctor. All those complaints don't sound normal to me. I'd try to figure out what's going on with him.

I'm very sensitive too (I have very sensitive skin and am allergic to some soaps, fragrances, etc.), but, I don't drive people crazy when they are trying to help me. His self awareness may not be working. If that is the case, I'd like to know why.

Based on what you've posted about him, I don't have any suggestions for how to please him. Maybe, others will have some ideas. I wish you all the best.

My husband is not depressed. Not yet anyway. If he can't drive again he will be. He has always been sensative to smells, sounds, and the way things feel.
I feel sorry for him. And want to do what I can to make his stay at rehab less miserable. Only I can't fix everything. And he has too many smaller difficulties for me to cope with.

It sounds like your husband is either just complaining to see you dote on him or he's having some kind of issue himself. Have you discussed it with his doctor?

To me, when I'm working around the clock as a caregiver, complaining about a pillowcase that isn't the right texture, is just plain ridiculous. If he has dementia, I'd just ignore it and say, It's fine. It'll do. If he doesn't have cognitive decline, then, I can't print here what I'd tell him, but it wouldn't be very nice. At some point, enough is enough.

Barbara, my husband had ipen heart surgery a couple of years ago, when we had been married for just two years. The most important lessons i learned were not to pay too much attentuon to the complaining and make sure they've got him on antidepressants.

Grr - STUPID SPELLCHECK! Hadnuff, I do apologise for the typo.

Handoff, do you have any close friends nearby that you can turn to? It's hard to do this all on your own.