Feeling hopeless.

STar, my daughter is about your age, still living at home. I am a GOOD mother and want her to move out so she can have a somewhat carefree life.

You sound sweet. Please take care of yourself, since your parents aren't likely to do it!

Are you working? In school? Do you pay rent?

It is no disgrace to still be living with your parents at 22, but it certainly doesn't seem to be healthy for you. Have you considered moving out?

I am 22 and my gran has all of the above minus hearing issues, her vision is fine but we do maintain that everyday too. She is pretty independent and is one of the people I care most deeply about. So bloody annoying is family life, sometimes I feel like my Gran and I are the only ones with our heads screwed on and actually willing to strive for a psychologically healthy family life. Its so annoying that its funny. But its getting a bit much now and sometimes I don't feel like helping my gran and just distracting myself instead. Her mobility is declining its so frustrating.

How old are you, Star? Why is your gran living with you and your parents? What are her impairments -- mobility issues, hearing loss, vision problems, memory loss, incontinence, etc? What kind of tasks does she need help with? What kinds of things do you WANT to be doing?

You describe a very dysfunctional situation. I wonder if the first step isn't to get out of it. If you lived on your own and visited Gran and invited her to visit you and took her out to lunch or whatever you'd enjoy together you would be less "helpless."

The downward spiral you describe is real and is probably more serious than Gran's impairments. You need to get help for it. Therapy can help you break that cycle. Please find a counselor.

Bear in mind I love my gran immensely and we have an incredible bond, my mother is very jealous of her and the fourth person in our household my dad, is just annoying because he wants to be in control of everything. Its bloody hard work to be constantly stepping on psychological eggshells, watching my every move and word to try and make sure that my mum or dad will not jealous or get angry (quite possibly because they see me or my gran receiving something or care that makes them feel inadequate).

You really need to start prioritizing; that's the best way to create some kind of structure for the tasks at hand. Writing them down also helps to keep them in perspective and take them out of the merry-go-round that minds sometimes become in trying to keep these issues in perspective.

That helps me a lot when tasks start mentally bumping into each other like little go-karts.

What needs to be done daily, what can be done weekly, monthly, etc.? But start with what absolutely needs to be done daily - start with a zero sum task list, then gradually add other tasks.

And when you feel overwhelmed, take a break and do something you love. I find music and art (colored pencil drawing) help; so does creating garden designs, planning quilts - anything artistic and creative.