My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. She is 86 with Pulminary Fibrosis and short term memory issues. She is in assited living. Though I am a counselor and realized her narcissism and alcoholism, I never saw her paranoia until it was mentioned to me by a worker in her assisted living. There are two things about that. First, I am angry and saddened because I now see the paranoid personality disorder. And I am also so done with her critical nature, her constant demands, her lack of concern, her nastiness towards others, her cruel words, her lack of gratitude. I have not really talked to her in the past week. I am overwhelmed with paperwork as she no longer does her bills. My garage is filled with her stuff, as she is a hoarder also and I want it out. She is 86 and is demanding to drive though she has short term memory issues and now my husband and I are taking her for a driving test. The years and years and years, stemming back from my childhood...the money I have spent on therapy ( which could have been a down payment for a house in NJ) I could go on and on.. THE BOTTOM LINE.. I am exhausted, my personal health is now at risk, I would prefer to have nothing to do with her, however I am her main caregiver. The sad thing is because of her disorders she does not understand and I am continually at fault..And I know it is going to get worse.
You did read the part where Ruthroll and her husband is taking her mom for a driver's test, didn't you? She can spend more time with her.
Do what you can. Don't feel guilty for what's out of your control. You can only do so much.
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This is all very easy for me to say. My mother was sweet and kind. I don't suppose this will be easy to do. Mom was very skilled at installing guilt buttons and she knows how to push them. At least you understand what is going on. I hope that help some!
If she's currently in a facility, arrange for it to become long term, on her funds or Medicaid.