How do you get your brother to take responsibility for my mother?

Good luck, your brother will never help, let it go. Bless you and your mom

You mentioned that your brother will not pay for anything Mom needs. Well, my advice, and it was my lawyer's advice, when I took over responsibility for my parents back in 2012, plus I've read it in many blogs and websites about this caregiver stuff....YOU, nor your brother, nor anyone else should be paying for anything your Mom needs. If her income won't provide what she needs, that's your sign that you need to apply for Medicaid or other help for her! Her money should all be used for her. None of it should ever be used for anyone else in the family either, or it will cause punishment issues when you do need help. You, basically, must have POA or guardianship etc, to use Mom's money for her care and needs...and then assure that is what happens. If she is in the hospital and no one can adequately care for her, 24/7 after discharge, then it's the responsibility of the hospital social worker or case manager to find the means to care for Mom. If she could come to her own home with home health that is medically needed, MediCARE will pay for that after a hospital stay. If she needs rehab care to get back her strength, MediCARE will pay for that too...either in a rehab center or a nursing home that has rehab care attached to it. If she cannot safely be cared for at home...hers, yours etc....then they need to find nursing home, assisted living or memory care (if she has dementia/alzheimer's etc) for her to go to, and then they need to start the process of getting her qualified for MediCAID to pay for this the rest of her life. In Arizona, where I live, (and each state has different requirements for MediCAID...even though it is a federal program), a person is permitted to have about $2000 in income or savings, plus a house and one car to be eligible for Medicaid. Medicaid puts a lien on the home, and expects to be paid back at the time the house is sold. There is some consideration if someone else is currently living in the house though. You would need the help of an eldercare lawyer or social worker etc, to help you figure out the requirements in your state. There are places that help for free....to teach you and help with the application process. You should also be able to check on line at your state health dept website and look for Medicaid and nursing homes etc, to find who to contact to get help and what the requirements are. IF Mom has resources in the form of savings or insurance policies etc....then there is a 'spend down' required by Medicaid before they approve her. In general, spending down her money can only be done for her own medical care....things like hearing aids, medical bills or other assistive devices she needs in order to get around....and home improvements/maintanance necessary for her to live there...like putting in ramps for a wheelchair, or safety rails or to remove carpeting and put down hard flooring, or whatever maintanance is needed on the home. On my Mom's home, we replaced some flooring and painted the outside trim that needed fixing and fixed some doors, added an alarm system since she would be staying there alone except for caregivers part time....that sort of thing. Who ever has her POA, would be seeing that her taxes were done annually and some of these expenses would be deductible and create a refund back to her too. The social worker/case manager at the hospital would give you a list of places she could go to that were MediCARE eligible, and you would go tour them and choose one that you approved of. In general, at least in Arizona, they would accept her, based on Medicaid approval, IF an initial look at income etc, showed she should be approved fast. When Medicaid is approved, it starts at the first of the next month after approval, and they will pay the facility rent and other supplies she needs. Medicare continues to cover what Medicare already pays too. But if you or your brother or others have been paying bills that would be eligible bills for approval, you just make it all take longer. If you've used any of her money for your own use, Medicaid will look 5 years back and will continue any of that a gift and she will be punished by having to wait longer for approval, to equal whatever was a gift. It's complicated, but worth it to apply if she's got not much resources left to take care of herself.

You cannot push a person to do anything they're against doing/lazy. Suggest an NH with Medicaid footing the bill after application.

Daltjie there's a very old Irish saying, and it is : A DAUGHTER IS A DAUGHTER ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE, " BUT A SON IS ONLY A SON TILL HE TAKES HIMSELF A WIFE. I am sorry You have to Care for Your Dear Mom alone, as Caring for a Love One should be shared, but Gladimhere is 100% correct, so take the advice.

Well, you cannot make anyone help including siblings. I have 5 other siblings out of the 5 only 4 of us helped my mother when she was dying from cancer. My brother helped, but only when it was convenient or would aid him. My mother even asks me and my other sisters if she should remove my youngest sister from the will and trust. She never bothers to call mother or check on her during this time. I told her NO, it would only cause more animosity among the family. We understood she lived a long way from mother's home. I didn't care what my mother did with her money, she could have left it all to a charity. That wasn't important to me or my sisters.
It is funny, my mother was a very strict disciplinarian except with this sister. Out of the six children she was the youngest and spoiled rotten, I am 17.5 years young than her. Out of the 6, she was the only one who never called, never took the time to see Mom before her death, but did show up for the reading of the will.
Seek help, the people above are correct, ask for help from family aid services.

The hospital will call a transport and have her taken to her assisted living place. But there is a liabily issue if there is no one to help her afterwards. Many assisted living places have levels of care and your mother needs a higher one.

Talk to the advocate and social worker explain you cannot help your mother then go from there.

Your brother's wife is scared that she will wind up caring for his mother, so she resists him doing anything for her. She made him choose between his wife and his mother. He chose his wife. End of story.

Talk to your mother. explain the situation. She needs an assisted living place that offers more help. And surely they have a hoyer pneumatic lift to help with ostroposis patients that you can buy or rent.

You have no control over what your brother does or doesn't do. You've been trying for years to get his help. I think you had better accept that it is not going to happen.

Gladimhere gave you good advice. Talk to the hospital social worker and explain that you cannot care for her because of your own health. Refuse to bring mom home. Someone at the hospital might try to make you feel guilty or insist that you HAVE to take mom home. That is not true. Stay strong. For your mother's sake, you need to not take on a job you cannot do. Let the social worker find a better solution.

If mom needs care you cannot provide talk to the hospital social worker. Tell that person in no uncertain terms you are not able to provide the necessary care. Brother will not help, let it go. Social worker will find appropriate living and care arrangements for mom. The hospital will try to talk someone into coming to pick up mom. Do not let that person bully you or make you feel guilty.

Stand up for yourself and stand up to them. Good luck.