My older sister lives about 25 min. from my mom. She has stage 4 cancer and is taking chemo as surgery and radiation is no longer an option. I can't believe that my older sister never bother to visit her or take her out to the stores or even call her. I sent a text to her yesterday asking her if she understands the mom has stage 4 cancer and that this chemo she is now taking might be one of her last options. She's the sister that got mad when I took away her free car that I had been providing her. I just can't understand her when she acts so happy and says things like "well it is what it is" after I tried to employ her and she kept missing deadlines and made me look bad to other sub-contractors.
I hear you. You are doing the best you can by reaching out to your sister. As siblings its hard for us to understand how we could be so different in how we think and act. I know its hard to accept. I struggled with this issue with my siblings as well during my dad's last few years.
I kept trying and trying, hoping to get through to them, but they made me feel like I was the problem. Now that we are all middle aged, I guess I have to let it go. I just cannot get blood from a stone. The only person I can control is myself. Its hard to accept, but its what I am working on.
I heard the story not long ago of a woman who had had to put her severely brain damaged child into care after twelve years of struggling to raise her alone. She recounted that her physically strong daughter, whose mental age was less than two, had a tantrum and pushed her over in the street, and a passer-by literally stepped over her and walked on. Lying there in a daze, that was the moment she knew that she could not go on.
When and how did it become okay again to "pass by on the other side"?
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My sig other didn't like visiting my Mom in long-term-care, nor did he like staying more than 5 minutes visiting Dad in Independent Living, my gosh the place looked a hotel... he just didn't like seeing people with walkers. It gave him a sense of his own mortality, which he didn't like.... [sigh]
I agree with Jeanne that now might be a good time to leave sister to cope on her own. But perhaps it isn't quite that simple.
You've made efforts to connect with Sister and connect Sister with Mother. It hasn't worked out. You've done what you could regarding that. Now just focus on Mother. Don't complicate this challenging and emotional time by trying to take responsibility for your sister.