A rant, not a question.

i think it sounds like she wouldnt care if it was preschool graduation or high school graduation. she is making it known she is controlling you with guilt. my mom acts like she is on her death bed whenever i want to do anything. then when she gets her way she is more than ok.
bottom line...if you have something that is important to YOU then you should go guilt free.
im sick of this old card my mom plays to get everything she wants. it is not fair to manipulate or control anyone.

MSJPK501,
I just saw your post about the loss of your mother. I'm sorry for your loss. Your words are wise. Life is too short and even at age 98, it seems as if it's not long enough. Thanks for the update.

The above was my rant of 1 month ago. Yes, it helped me getting those feelings out there. Looking back it was not important. Mom passed on June 7th, 1 month shy of her 99th birthday. Something about being helpless when your mom is struggling to breathe. Hang in there, ask for help, make memories and have no regrets.

If you know that she is manipulative, then I would already be prepared with an answer if she tries to control what you do. Granted, if a family member is really ill, I wouldn't leave them for a pre-school graduation, but, if she's not imminently ill, I'd continue with my plan. However, if you are the kind of person who is guilt ridden for absolutely no reason, then, it's probably better to not leave. There are a lot of people who post here about incredible guilt, no matter how dutiful they are. So, it's hard to make the right decision in that case.

If it's not too late, pack a bag and get going. You know there's no changing your mother - but you can change you.

So true BarbBrooklyn.   

Ms, if your mom is a narc, she's not going to change her stripes now.

I agree about Preschool graduations, Rainmom.

What I'm getting at is that I've got a whole bunch of older than I am friends who tell me how much they regret how much time they didn't spend with their grandchildren while they were young, because they were fussing over nonessential stuff having to do with elderly parents.

My brother often reminds me that we are powerless to change the trajectory of my mom's dementia and other physical ills, any of which can carry her off at any time. We spend quality time with her and know each visit might be the last.

But we don't miss important events in our kids and grandkids lives and we don't neglect our marriages, our jobs or our healthcare.

Not that I have to explain. I have been more then here for her and it has always been her first. Just once before she goes looking for a non narcissistic action. I am entitled.

I may get pelted with cyber-rocks here but I gotta say I agree with your mom up to a point.

Graduation from preschool to kindergarten- seriously? Chances are as they get older they'll never even remember the occasion. On the other hand you would remember. Maybe I'm a cold-hearted b*tch but I truely don't get the point of watch a bunch of four year olds participating in a ceremony they don't understand and will likely that about 15 minutes. This verses spending time with a dying parent.

I do get the whole picture of a manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic parent - and the importance of having boundaries and drawing a line in the sand. My mom was very much the same. I just think that perhaps the value of a preschool graduation is not the issue but yet once again being expected to change your plans, your needs, your life is what's really at the heart of this. And I totally get that and feel for you.

So, if your mom died while you were on a trip, how would you feel?

My brothers and I have this thing. Whenever each of us goes on vacation, we call the one who will be "on duty". " So, what do you do if omg dies while I'm away?". " Keep her on ice til you get back".

It keeps us all sane. Re-book your trip.