I have been taking care of my 82-year old father for almost 5 years now with very little help from my family. I am a single mom with twin teens, one is special needs. I work full-time. I have been taking care of my dad's medical needs and his finances for over 5 years and he has been living with me for the last 4. I am not going to lie, he pays 1/2 the rent and helps with bills and this has allowed us all to live in a bigger house where the kids can have their own rooms. His health has been declining though and he has been in rehab for the last 4 weeks after a brief hospital stay. It was always assumed he would come back home when he got stronger (he hurt his leg and is working on walking again), but a few things have happened and I think I am finally at my breaking point. I just cannot do it anymore. I have been saying this for awhile, but out of obligation (he is my father for goodness sake) I have been sticking it out. But I am tired. My job is suffering from all the time I have had to take off for him (and the kids.) My daughter with special needs, just broke her leg and is in a full leg cast. She needs my help in doing everything. The day after I took her to get her cast, I got a call that dad was back in the hospital. I almost cracked. He was unresponsive and doesn't remember getting from the facility to the emergency room. He has had several strokes in the past, but they are not sure if this was one, or a seizure, or something else. I think his medical needs are so much more than I can handle. How am I supposed to leave him alone while I go to work? I am so tired. I don't need a big house anymore. I only got it bc I needed the room to take care of him. I have begged my family for help and I get nothing. I have two brothers, one sister, and my dad is still technically married to my mom although they have not lived together for years...which only adds to the problem. I think this is the time to walk away. My daughter needs my 100% attention, my lease is up on this house, and dad is back in the facility. I called a family meeting for tomorrow and no one responded. I am ready to tell them I am done. I just can't do it anymore. I just don't know where he will go from here. I don't think he should stay in the facility he is currently in. I think I am mostly afraid of telling him. I just can't do it anymore. My health is suffering.
His medical needs ARE more than a family member can handle, because these are acute conditions which require special care. There is hope. You can make things better by re-assessing what you believe will be best choices over the next 365 days. Establish goals and make it happen. You know what the issues are. Now, employ or increase your team to make both your parent's life better and yours as well. You are closer than you think, but need to make decisions and then enjoy big sigh of progress. Good luck!
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About a year and a half ago, I started looking at facilities for him. Against my better judgement, I told dad I was. He said nothing to me, but started making all kinds of phone calls to see who could take him. It put a strain on our relationship for awhile and again, I kept him out of guilt. It will be really hard, but I think you are absolutely right...my children need to come first.