Day 20 for mom, struggling with being at peace.

Question

We made it, and I am cherishing all of our time. Today was the day I was dreading after doctors said she may only live 20 days after feeding tube removal. I'm glad we had a cupcake on Sunday for my birthday because today she didn't really seem to comprehend much, when my daughter reminded her it was my birthday she said "Angie's birthday" then i told her the story she always told me, how she had to leave the dance early (high school dance, I think her young age added an extra layer of closeness to our relationship) because she went into labor with me 3.5 months early, the hospital was across the street and she could still hear the band playing.

I find myself feeling guilty that I am at peace with her going to be with daddy so soon, I'm glad he doesn't have to be alone when she goes. I don't want my mom gone but I struggle that the fact that I am okay....most of the time.

Erinm60 · Accepted Answer

My dad died at 54. No dementia. Heart attack. I remember seeing him not alive in the ER about 30 years ago. His disease was alcoholism, I hate to admit it, but I was glad it was over. No more worrying about DUI's. Wrecked cars. &#160;Sounds horrible I know. , &#160;but he had totalled 15 cars. &#160; This was in the late 1980's. &#160;He only had one DUI at that point because that was just getting started. &#160;But yes I loved him. &#160;Also was relieved if that makes any sense

MsMadge · Answer

Angie,
Thanks for sharing the story of your birth and I'm glad today was as peaceful as it could be
Hugs to you

blannie · Answer

I was very relieved and at peace when my mom passed. Partly because it was relatively quick and pain-free, which had always been one of my worries. My dad passed very quickly and was pain-free and I often worried/wondered how it would be with mom. So when it happened, I was very, very grateful it was over and she went without great struggle or pain. And I was there with her for the whole day. I felt emotionally tired, relieved, and at peace. And I wish the same for you.

sue888 · Answer

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Sometimes we confuse guilt with the relief we feel that our loved ones are finally free of pain and all the struggles they have endured. You love your mom and have been there for her during this difficult time. That's why you feel at peace. It sounds like you are close and have some wonderful memories and stories from your mom. I wish I had a relationship like that with my mom. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your mom.

gladimhere · Answer

Jess, such a good explanation. I too, when mom passed was happy, relieved for her transition. Her last two years were very difficult for all, she had become so ill and confusion was not near enough strong of a word. She never would have wanted to live that way.

JessieBelle · Answer

Angie, I was also relieved when my father crossed over. The last ten years of his life had not been good. The last two years of his life had brought a lot of pain and confusion. He was afraid to do things. He was just sitting in his chair, waiting for God. When he passed I knew that his suffering was over and the pain was gone. I was glad for him. To stay on earth had become too big a burden for him.

We do so much of our grieving while we see them passing slowly. How you feel is so normal, so try not to feel guilty. You can miss your mother and be glad that she is crossed over at the same time. I hope her last days here are peaceful.

Angiedd · Answer

jeannegibbs, true, guilt is the wrong word. I am mostly surprised at how I feel okay going thru this with her but I am so glad to be by her side.

jeannegibbs · Answer

Do you really feel guilty? Or maybe just uncomfortable? Or confused? Guilt is about "this is my fault." Nothing here is your fault.

Day 20 for mom, struggling with being at peace.

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