As I had posted, finally got mom and dad in an exceptional AL near their home. Moms mobility is gone and she has early dementia and Dad has fallen off the dementia cliff.
Mom is really mad. Says the place is horrible, food terrible, they don’t give her the right meds, it’s boring, how could I dare stick her in this prison!?
Called xmas day:
Me
Hi mom. How ya doing. Merry Xmas. Love ya!
Mom:
Ice cold silence.........
So today I called the nursing director for an update. They are in the midst of a typical adjustment. Mom is grouchy but cooperative and Dad wanders the halls looking for his car. He trips the door alarm a couple times a day but they divert him easily and are not put out with him in the least.
Oh, and they’re still eating everything that is not nailed down.
Dad had a shower!!? No one was killed or injured. These gals are amazing.
I love this facility. They are in reality giving them skilled nursing care for the time being even though they are classified as AL. It cost some big $ but well worth the peace of mind.
I’m not going to try and call mom for awhile. It’s just no use. I think she will adjust to a point but I’ll always be the bad guy in her eyes. I’m getting used to it.
They also have a locked memory care unit where Dad will most likely end up.
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I feel your pain.
When I "sentenced" my mom to the "pen", they told me not to visit or call for at least 2 weeks, so she could learn "the joint" (routine).
When I went to visit her 2 weeks later, she came running at me, attacking me, gouging my arms with her nails and screaming!
Some adjustment she made, huh? The "guard" (nurse) had to pull her off me. They came with "handcuffs" (medicine) to calm her down. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. 😱
After a "meeting with the warden", (consultation with the resident doc) she smoothed outover the next few weeks. Meds were changed and peace reigned in the "cell block" once more.
Sometimes Mom lands in "solitary" for an "infraction" (won't sleep at night and keeps other "inmates" awake.) They put her in "the hole" (a separate room) with her own private "jailer" (CNA) watching.
🛌⛓ 🗝🔒👮🏼
I have to laugh...my dad didn't have dementia but had a series of TIA's that landed him in a board and care home. He always used to refer to the other residents as "inmates" (with a smile on his face 😉)
Miss you dad 😢 Thanks for being so cooperative.
Maybe starting to get through to mom that this move was necessary. She had it in her mind that I had tricked her and planned this whole thing behind her back. So I went through the events, you fell, mashed face , banged and gashed head open, bleeding all over the house, cousin finds you, sent you to hospital, Dad wandering around the neighbor hood, I jump in car and drive for 10 hours like a nut etc.
No one would plan this mom. This all had to be done to get you guys safe and cared for.
I think she had forgotten the chain of events. We’ll see if this sticks. She’s having trouble keeping her train of thought these days. But towards the end of the phone call she was less frosty.
A big attaboy to you for getting the move to prison (lol) done!! This is shaping up to be a beast of a winter, so they dodged a bucket by moving. Best of luck in selling the place too.
You are super awesome in my book!
Yes Barb, have read them both. Best books ever for caregivers.
Good for you! I think you are right to take some space and let your mom adjust.
We think you’re the best. :)
During this latest crisis/ move I was able to make it all happen, write some big checks, move money around, deal with accounts and utilities. I’ve got to give my folks credit for all that.
But I’ve had so many talks with mom through the years about making some decisions and changes when she was still able instead of letting it all fall on me. But down the slope they went until the perfect storm of crisis and calamity.
This forum has been such a help through the years. Sharing support and experiences here has been a great education.
And yes Sunny, it is such a relief. It still hasn’t completely sunk in.
I know this is a huge relief to you to now have your parents living in a elder friendly environment, especially now with the crazy winter weather. No worry of your Dad going out to shovel, unless he tries to help the Maintenance crew. No worry about the power going off in a storm. Good meals [I remembered my Dad had 3 special times each day, breakfast lunch and dinner].
Isn't it interesting seeing how your folks are acting which brings to mind other caregivers here asking questions regarding their own parent in senior living. It's like elders have this playbook which tells them to say "everything is terrible" "can't stand the food" "I want to go home", etc.
Sounds like you pick an excellent facility for your folks.