Anxiety of the day...

Xina, all I can do is give hugs and God thoughts from across the borough to you. You are a strong person who has stood by your mom in situations that many would have fled.

Hold onto all the good in your mom and support her down this road. She may have a few more " perk ups" left in her yet.

((((((Hugs))))))))))!

It is so comforting to come back here and read everyone's kind posts. What did people do before these internet groups existed?

Some of you know my story (Barb! Freqflyer!), as I've been on and off this site over the past few years. I've been expecting my mom to die for like three years now - have to throw in an LOL here, and a nod to Roz Chast (who, if you don't know, wrote the most wonderful, sad/funny memoir about her parents. Humor is so important in these situations!) There have been so many close calls with my mom, but she is a crazy strong woman who keeps bouncing back. Just when I'm about to call the funeral home, she wants to go out for dinner. She was in septic shock last April, yet joking with the doctors and saying she felt fine, which they could not believe. I am so used to her being at death's door and then rallying that it's hard to believe she is mortal at this point.

This time, though, I really think it is the beginning of the end. She is not acutely ill, and dr was there today and says her vitals are fine, but something has shifted in the past couple of weeks. She eats and drinks, but she sleeps most of the day, stares at the ceiling a lot, and doesn't say anything unless you ask her something - rare for her. She used to call me at least once a day, and now she never does, and doesn't even answer her phone. Her cell phone, always on her bed, next to her functioning hand, has been her lifeline, but now she lets it ring without picking it up.

Most of you can relate to this, I'm sure: You know how you know someone so well, even on the most minute level? I am so familiar with my mother's hands and nails and rings (still on her fingers) and expressions. When I give her a hand mirror, she makes the exact same "looking in the mirror" face that she has since I was 5. Those are the things that it will be weird never to see again.

My mom was with her mother when she died, at 56, from an unspecified "female" cancer. She pretty much hated her mother, who didn't talk to her for 5 years because she married a Jewish man. When I was born, her mother wanted to meet me, so she took me to see her, at which point she was dying. My mom was brave enough to hold her hand as she died, while her sister, who was close with their mother, cowered in the other room. 

Ack - thanks for letting me spill all this. I've had some wine, I confess. : )

xinabess it's hard. I had to do it when my mom was dying. I was working and had to compartmentalize things so that I could function at work. When mom died, I only told two people at work because I didn't want to dissolve into a puddle of tears every time someone came up to me expressing sympathy. It's very, very hard, but you can do it. The job is important to your future. Please let us know how it goes. 

xinabess! Hugs from more of us who have "been there." Most of the things we stress about, don't happen, and if they DO, there is more help out there than you can imagine. This forum is one of them! For my sister and me, it's like a support group. I would say, keep working! Even if it's part-time. If it's a job/career you like, it will be refreshment that YOU need. And you will find caring and creative ways to take of Mom. Resources are out there! Love you, wish you and Mom the best!

Hugs and blessings to you and your dear mom. Be kind to yourself during this time. Part of that includes being mindful of your thoughts and pulling them back if they start to spiral downward. (It's hard, I know.) Take care of your overall well being - whether that includes eating healthy, working out, walking in nature, or spending time on a favorite hobby. All of this will keep you strong so when that great job offer comes along, you'll be in a good place to accept it knowing you can balance it with whatever your mother may need. You owe it to yourself to build a good life and part of that includes a career of your choosing as well as time for significant others. If possible, perhaps look at having outside help ease the load with routine responsibilities like house cleaning, laundry, or grocery delivery.

Nope, not nuts. Just normal.

Thanks. Oh, I would definitely take the job, but I'm imagining that if the worst happened, I'd be too flattened even to check my email for a job offer, let alone conduct myself in a professional manner and be able to accept the offer. 

I know, I'm nuts!

Xinabess, I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you get that job. It would be great to be in a new environment, meeting new people, and getting paid :)

Oh the "what ifs", we all go through that. Try not to let the what-ifs control your life. A company will understand if you need to take a couple days off. I think going back to work quickly is your best bet. Working and being around other people will help you feel centered.

I use to be a big what-if person... what if I went away for a half a day and Dad fell. Well the time I was way I couldn't enjoy myself as that was always in the back of my mind. It was hard to shake. And Dad didn't fall, so a half a day wasted worrying about something that didn't happen. Oh well, we are only human.

(((((((Hugs)))))) Xina. I can only imagine the stress you are feeling. No advice. Just good vibes and thoughts.