Hospice released my mom 2 weeks ago said she was not declining when I saw a definite decline. Last week :-P 85/55 was told she was dehydrated, gave her pedialyte, improved a lot and was so much better. Had home group come, they wanted to try to get her up if possible the following week. She was in a lot of pain last night, very nervous, stressed out, hallucinating and palliative care no good. At night changed her in middle of night, slept a few hours, she must of fell out of bed and got her neck and face stuck in railing and strangled herself. I don't know how to deal with this. She had given up, I think her body was shutting down and didn't realize it at the time. She was probably suffering a great deal but had no pain medication but tylenol. Medical examiner said she probably fell asleep and died right away. I hope he was right and didn't lay there in pain. I kept going in there to try to help her but nothing helped. I wanted her to die peacefully on hospice. This is a terrible way to die.
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I pray you feel a wee bit of strength - you were mom's hero - I'm crying with you tonight
I feel for you.
I'm so sorry for your pain on the departing of your mother.
((((((Hugs))))))
My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm so sorry for your loss and all your pain and sorrow. Thinking of you during this difficult time. Please know you did the best you can. With much love and hugs.
Some things that happen to us in life are incredibly tough and painful. But try to look at the situation through a realistic prism; your mom was in the process of leaving this world, she could have been in bed suffering with pain for a long period of time, or in any other way that implied prolonged suffering.
The way she left, as hard as it is to accept it, shouldn’t be the focus (try really hard to move your mind away from that).
Your mom knew, I’m sure, that you were trying your very best to assist her, provide all you could for her comfort, and more than anything that you were giving her all your love. She knew that for sure, more so now that she’s at PEACE.
Don’t know what your religious beliefs are, but I encourage you to try a simple prayer, something along the lines of these few words (I’ll pray this for you as well):
Dear Lord, take my mom in your loving arms, where I also deposit my broken heart and my pain.
I feel lost and weak, but I TRUST you’ll strengthen me.
I know you will carry both of us, as we each transition into this new phase of life.
Please fill my heart with peace and acceptance!
Amen.
Much love and peaceful energy sent your way.
I am pleased that she is now at peace with no Pain.
You did a great job.
Take care of yourself
I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m glad she is at peace. Hugs to you and your family.