Mom had several bad falls, multiple broken bones and was suffering horribly. We started hospice yesterday. AL called me, she was actively dying this am. I jumped in the car, drove all day but she died 30 minutes before I got there.
My BIL and nephews were with her and dad. It was peaceful. Dad kissed her goodbye and cried a bit but the boys and staff got him to the lobby by the time I got there. By then he was happily telling his fishing stories.
I’ve hardly processed it all yet. I’m so relieved that she did not spend months suffering from all her injuries.
My thanks to all the good folks on this forum. I’ve learned so much and gotten such great support through the years.
Please know how sorry I am for your loss, and know that I am thinking of you! It's been such a long and winding road for us both, but time has a way of taking care of us all, whether it is in loss, or just us stepping up and dealing with things as they come at us.
I hope your Dad is doing alright, and that his Dementia is a story of blessing in disguise, so that he transitions easier, in his life now without her. You are a Fantastic Son, a Super Hero in my book, in the care of your folks these last few years!
I know you loved and cared for your Mom, very much, and will miss her greatly. You remember to take care of you! Again Love, So sorry! Stacey B
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You have a big beautiful heart! Pictured you looking back at your dad...I know that feeling. Sending you peace and comfort Windy.
We get what we're given. You're taking a very sensible and practical view, as ever.
I hope you'll be able to arrange a smooth transition for your father. I really feel for you on how poignant his semi-disconnect is. Obviously you don't want him to be shattered, but it is tragic in a different way that he's lost the thread of his own life story.
Look after yourself - I'm glad you have family there to rally round you.
I have been following your journey. May you be able to have Grace and Peace in the coming days. I know you will still be there for your Dad. I'm sorry to hear about your Mama.
I think seeing them emaciated and weak is just heartbreaking.
That's very sweet and touching to put fresh flowers on her grave.
I put fresh flowers on mom’s grave today and also on my brothers and sisters graves which are right beside her. She used to work as a florist. She would have liked the fresh stuff as opposed to fake plastic flowers.
Dad is doing ok. The sitter is great with him. Fewer memories of mom are bubbling up now. That’s good. He played bingo yesterday. I watched from the lobby. Broke my heart.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It's so hard to lose a parent. At least she didn't linger.
I agree with the other poster that sometimes a person departs because they don't want to put their loved ones through watching them leave. I'm sure you'll treasure your memories. May God give you comfort and strength. Blessings to you and your dad.
My bigger concern was dealing with Dad. But the grandkids had gotten there in time, got him away from the room after mom passed and he was having a big ol time in the common room telling his stories when I got there.
I had amazing support from the staff at the AL, the Visiting Angels sitter service and hospice. I had a nice long chat today with the AL director and the head of nursing. It was good to talk about mom’s death. We also have a concrete plan for moving Dad to AL.
I’ve still got stuff to do but I have a few days to get it done. Guardianship hearing is next Tuesday then back home I hope.
God go with you and you are a good egg. Well done.
My deepest sympathies on your loss. Your mum is not suffering any more. Sounds like you are dealing with dad very well. Kudos for all the work you have done for them - a good son indeed. Very fortunate for them. (((((((hugs))))))) This must be a tough time for you.
Perhaps she was in more pain than she could even articulate, eh?
Sounds like her exit was gentle. And she was surrounded by loved ones.
Don’t beat yourself up for not being there. (I don’t think you’re the type. But emotions can run amok.) Smart money says that Mom’s last shred of cognition wanted you to remember her walking and talking. Such that it is after a certain age!
Hang in there and be good to yourself. Your wife is a trooper, too. Carve out some time for good stuff. You 2 will need it more than you know.
Now some busy work on the horizon for you. BLECH.
It’s great that you hired a companion for Dad. If the poor guy ever needed a distraction, it’s now.
Keep in touch, Windy. We love your wry perspective and your big heart.
Sending hugs and good vibes.
I’m doing ok, very busy with all the stuff that has to be done. Dad is doing ok. I hired a sitter to keep him occupied and she has been a wonderful asset. She actually had him in the bingo session today! His memories of the event are spotty and she diverts him easily.
I hope to move him to memory care before I come home. It’s time for him. Too much wandering, not safe now.
Again, thanks for the support.
Well done for all of the love and care you've given over the years.
As others have said you have done a wonderful job of caring for your parents and making the right decisions. Hope your Dad continues to tell his fishing stories . I am sure there will be moments of sadness for him but he sounds as though he will be just fine. Blessings to you and your family
And you were always available to drive to WV to care for them when something happened, to take care of the house, take them to doctors' visits, manage their finances, step in whenever and wherever, but most of all - you were available to be there for them when they needed help but didn't realize it.
I hope those memories help you cherish your mother as she was in better days. And we know as well that this is a relief to her suffering, and you can more easily remember those last days before she was so challenged.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You are a hero - hope you can find some moments of rest to catch your breath in the days of ahead