My sister married my dead beat ex son in law and my mother is accepting this behavior.

Thanks to all. Just needed opinions in general if I am unreasonable in not having anything to do with them.

Why would your sister marry him after he left your daughter and grand baby! I would say that your mother is trying to keep the peace and will surely understand your reasons for not wanting to see the ex son in law at family gatherings. Good luck (Hugs)

Your mother has a right to her own opinion, as do you.

My sister dated a man 20 years her senior while they were each married to other people. They divorced their respective spouses and married. Her new hubby tried to extort hundreds of thousands of dollars from his ex (who was 20 years HIS senior). It was a horrible, messy and painful process. New hubby was a real jerk--but mother insisted we all be super nice to him and make him feel welcome. I've never been rude to him, but I sure haven't been trusting or warm towards him. (There is far, far more to this backstory, but you get the gist).

Mother ADORES this loser. Good, somebody should, I guess. And yes, mother encouraged this affair, unbelievably---b/c sis said she was "so unhappy" in her marriage at the time.

I just don't ever see this guy. I also never talk about him with mother. That's the best I think can be hoped for.

Your 80 yo mother accepts the man her daughter married? And you think this is a sign of dementia?

Now if SHE were marrying the bum you might have a case. And if Mother set them up and encouraged them, that might be questionable.

By all means, don't be around them. But surely Mother gets to make her own decisions!

I would think that it is much less stressful to go along than to fight it. It really is not your choice how mom feels about others.