I just finished delivering all the things my mom wants to her assisted living. This morning I was tired and just wanted to stay in my pajamas as I could until 2 1/2 months ago when she moved up here. I work full time. I am also managing all the finances and her legal issues with her husband that she is separated from.
She got mad at me and said "you never stay here more than 2 minutes". That's not true, last time I stayed for at least an hour showing her how to use her tablet and her smart phone. This by the way is a futile effort.
This is a rant more than anything, but I do all these things and never just get a "thank you, honey", I get griped at instead. How do you answer them when they are like this?
when I visit (AL), I always hate when I need to leave. after 8 years I still find it so awkward.
she will say: well, what will you do when you get home?
I hear: why don't you just stay, you don't have anything else to do.
she says: you don't have to hurry off.
I hear: you never stay long enough with me (even tho ive been there for 4 hours)
she says: how is your family? (my family? its just me, my husband and daughter)
I hear: nobody ever comes to see me (when we just took her out to eat 2 days ago)
she says: I haven't been out shopping for so long.
I hear: I am not allowed to go out. (when I just took her shopping 2 days ago)
I cant really say anything to defend myself without accusing her of bad memory. LIKE: I have been here 4 hours. you just saw xxxx yesterday, he is fine. I took you to store yesterday.
I just get thru the *moment* and move on......
You feel bad for a bit, b/c you are doing the best you can, then get over it. It says more about them than you when they act that way. Guilting you into staying longer than you can is just manipulation.
It's hard, but I know with my mother I can only handle being around her for 2 hours and then I am going to get a massive migraine. She pushes all my buttons and always has. To save myself, I simply control the amount of time I give her.
Sounds cruel? Yep, but I cannot deal with her anymore. She does complain about nobody coming to see her, etc, but truth is, she pushes everyone away, except for the golden boy and girl.
Sometimes I cry on the drive home. That helps. Sometimes I scream. Mostly I just have zero expectations that my relationship with her will ever be "normal".
I don't even answer her when she's nasty. I walk out.
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