Mom Called the Police on Us - We want her out. Any advice?

Can you get her a life alert button that has fall detection? That would give you peace of mind that she would not lay on the floor overnight in case she fell.

If she is completely irresponsible with her money, I believe you can do what's called representative payee from social security. This would allow you to pay her Bill's and provide her needs with her money.

I am sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this very hard situation. May God give you the strength to deal with it peacefully, sounds like it can get a lot worse before it gets over.

HUGS 2 U at this difficult time!

The first step of getting guardianship is to have two different doctors test and diagnose her with dementia. Once this is formerly declared, you'll have to go to court to get guardianship.

That is a point, unlike adults, children sleep like the dead. Yes, they can make phone calls. It was scary when my Mom got paranoid and was screaming and hollering at me, think about a child. Are you sure when Mom got angry she wouldn't hit a child? Believe me an elderly person with Dementia can become very strong when violent. If your Mom has Parkinsons she has Dementia. I hope that you are getting the help you need. Please come back and tell us how it worked out. We alk learn from others experiences.

Just; So, I'm trying to understand here, not really sure if you're being sarcastic or not. I really hope not and that you realize that your FIRST responsibility is to your children. And that the next time the police are called, you don't get a team that errs on the side of caution and puts your children in foster care. I'm dead serious about that.

Have you had your mom tested for a UTI? These can cause bizarre behaviors in the elderly.

Have you made arrangements for her to be seen by someone who can possibly help with meds for her delusions?

I'm not by any means suggesting that your children never see GMA again. I'm suggesting that your protect them from her UNTIL THIS GETS SORTED.

I assume that your kids sleep at night. If granny falls, are they going to wake up? Wouldn't installing a camera serve that purpose?

justlovely, your biting sarcasm is recognized by all of us. Apparently, you are not as concerned as you first posted about getting grandma off your property and off the phone with the police accusing you of promoting sexual deviation between your children.

At this point, I’m no longer sure what you’re asking or what solution you are looking for. Do you want Grandma out or not? On one hand you tell us she suffers from unreasonable anger that’s so bad you want her to leave and on the other hand you tell us she’s a wonderful granny who colors with and treats your kids to candy. Which of these personalities of her’s do you want your children to get to know? 

Those of us who cautioned you against leaving young children to supervise Grandma overnight still feel that way, and I apologize if your feelings are hurt by the advice you asked for. If Grandma’s afflictions are so concerning that you fear she cannot be left alone, she needs the supervision of a trained adult. Whether or not you decide to do that is now up to you.

If you like. Or, you ensure that her wellbeing is monitored by adults.

There is nothing wrong with having found out that your mother's needs are greater than you are able to meet. As you say, you hadn't seen anything of her for years: how were you to know what her mental state was? Fine, so you start work on Plan B, as you are doing.

Pretending that there's no mid-point between leaving children with her overnight without a responsible adult in the house on the one hand, and abandoning her to her fate and denying the children any time with their grandmother on the other is just silly.

I'm sorry this hasn't worked out better for you all. I hope there will be a safe place for your mother somewhere where you can all visit her, and wish you every success with it.

I thought about what you all shared. You're right. My children shouldn't spend night having fun with grandma, enjoying treats with her and coloring at her table. It's just too risky. The added benefit of them being able to alert us would not be worth them seeing her fall. We'll just leave her alone to herself so the children don't get ruined emotionally and hope that when she falls that she doesn't lay there trapped and bleeding from early evening until breakfast.

In defense of Barb, I have to say that I, too was dismayed to read that you had given young children the responsibility of babysitting for a grandma they hardly know, and who has mental issues to boot. If they were on the floor “wrestling” they obviously weren’t behaving and/or keeping an eye on grandma.

As you were advised, stay clear of her. If she would actually phone the police to report you, you can’t be sure what else she would do even if you were only trying to help her.

Justlovely, definitely keep us updated. Your situation is more common than one would think and sharing as you are will help others.

I can understand the attorney's advice not to go over, so as not to spark another outburst or create any possible opportunity for further allegations; but what about now, today? Is your mother able to use a telephone? Will anyone else be checking on her welfare? When you speak to the ?social worker? from the hospital, I should ask about help with that, too.

Truly, we do sympathise with how difficult caregiving in general is, let alone in a situation where it is all new and full of very unpleasant surprises.

The trouble with the point about the children, and believe me I was being kind, is that while I'm sure you thought that "all" they had to do was run and get you, and anyway it was only a "just in case" thing, when you strip it down you had still made children of 8 and 9 years responsible for handling a potential emergency. And - your explanation that she just moved here and you haven't seen her in years actually makes it worse -you expected these kids to handle that with a person they barely know. You simply can't do that.

I'm sorry, because the last thing I want to do is make you feel worse; and besides there is no suggestion it'll happen again so it's fine. I hope your local services swing into action good and promptly, please let us know how the conversations go.

Thank you for your replies. We have been advised by a local attorney to go with guardianship and being an emergency it would take less than a month. They advised us not to go over or let the children over. The kids spending the night was to run the few feet to our house to let us know if she fell. She is very independent and it was really a lot that she would allow anyone to even spend the night there. Please be a little kinder, this is all new to us as she just moved here and we haven't seen each other in years. We have the option too of a 96 hour medical monitoring in the hospital... we're awaiting a call from someone today on that. Thank you again for your replies. I am going to reread these and jot down what will help. I like the keeping a file on her, etc...

Document everything that you do for her or attempt to do for her.

Unless her doctor says that she needs 24-hour support, do not start with 24-hour support. Just because she's falling doesn't mean that she needs around-the-clock supervision. She may have Parkinson's dementia.

She needs to be seen by a physician and you need to hear from the physician exactly what she needs whether that's a nursing home, memory care facility, or *professional* help at home that is within *her* budget.

If she needs services, enlist the county social worker to help apply for them.

Start a file on your mother and keep copies of all communications on her behalf in it. Should she ever call the police again, you will have proof that you have tried to help her. Keep a running log on any help that she refuses, doctor's appointments she misses or cancels, etc.

She still has rights but so do you. Unfortunately you are dealing with someone not in their right mind. Remain calm and protect yourself. And do not let your children stay alone with her anymore; your first obligation is to protect your children.

Try not to panic. What you *should* have learned from this very upsetting experience is that, while your mother's accusations must be horrifying to hear, the fact that she is clearly not in her right mind is well recognised. It is right and proper that the police listened to her; they also correctly understood that she is misunderstanding what she sees. So far, fine.

I do understand that you will be anxious in case other people in contact with your mother will not share the police's informed, professional perspective; and you want the situation resolved as soon as possible. That's natural, but you will get a better outcome if you set about things in a calm and orderly way.

If your mother is a falls risk then in any case she needs 24 hour support. And not from children under ten, either (what were you thinking?). The point being, that there are all kinds of excellent reasons for finding the right choice of facility for her: it won't be necessary for you to confront her about this latest brouhaha, or in any way to give her to understand that she is not welcome.

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist or behavioral neurologist for an evaluation to see if meds will help with the delusions and hallucinations?

I think I would limit the kids' exposure to her until you get this sorted.

Also, consider having her tested for a UTI which can cause increased confusion.

Dementia goes along with Parkinson's and being in the late stages, she probably has it. You cannot get a POA if she is not of sound mind. She has to be able to assign you. The next step is gaurdianship which takes time.

Im so sorry. Sounds like she needs a caregiver to bring her meds and meals and be with her all the time if she can afford it.   Sounds like shes delusional. Call her Dr. And tell them whats going on. Unfortianatly she has rights and if she is able to say no to a nursing home or assisted living because shes awake alert and oriented she doesnt have to go. Even if your her p.o.a. If she wasnt alert awake and oriented and you were her p.o.a. then her dr. And 2 other doctors would have to recommend her to go to carehome.  My aunt is just like your mom but she has c.o.p.d. refuses carehome and shes alert and awake also mean! I am p.o.a. so I insisted she get a caregiver luckily she has money for that. Medicare wont pay. But hospice also comes in to help out caregiver and oversee things because caregiver needs back up. Hospice doesnt just come if someones dying. They can come to help out too. Best of luck to you.