I am going NUCKIN' FUTS!!!

Question

I am "temporarily" caring for my 81 yo mother while her back heals from a fracture. I live in a different state and just retired so I have the time. I have now been here almost 2 months and if she asks me one more question or questions one more thing that I am doing I think I'm going to blow a gasket!!

This is probably not the forum for venting but my children and sister are tired of hearing it and they are all working and cannot help. I am grateful that my sister will be able to relieve me for 2 weeks soon but the past few days have been a horror. I have a separate space in the house to escape to but then she calls me on the phone to ask if I want to have a meal with her... I know, such a horror - lol. But it's CONSTANT talking and EVERYTHING has a 10-20 minute story to listen to.

I am more of a loner/recluse in MY life so this constant activity and talking is getting to be too much without more of a break. I really needed to vent and probably to should get a journal for venting.

I apologize if this was inappropriate. I've been on this site long enough now to know I am not the only one going thru this. If "you" can stay strong so can I.

SusanW56 · Accepted Answer

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and suggestions!

Mom has been going to physical therapy and it has helped tremendously. We’re also selling her house of 49 years and moving her to be close to family. She is going willingly and has been looking forward to it but of course is also scared of such a big change.

thank you again and I am so glad to have found this site!!

JoAnn29 · Answer

I too think she is lonely.  No family near by.  Just be nice, listen and excuse yourself to read a book or computer time. If she says anything, tell her you need some alone time.  Your just not used to having someonecaround 24/7.  2 months your Mom should be pretty healed. Did she have PT?

MountainMoose · Answer

Great advice above, Susan. Can your mother afford a companion for a few hours a day? That might take care of any belonging or self-esteem needs your mother has when there's a committed person to talk with, play games with, etc., and give you a break.

cwillie · Answer

I think retirement and then moving to care for your mother are both hugely life altering events and their effects are likely overlapping, even without the burden of your mother's care you might have been getting a little antsy with all the extra time to fill. You don't mention that your mother has any kind of dementia so I'm assuming she is just an extroverted type of person who needs to be around people and fill her days with noise and  chatter, my sis is like that and the longer I am around her the more tense I become.  Since it doesn't sound as though she needs constant attendance I like the idea of scheduling your time with your mom and retreating to your space in between, if you establish a routine she is less likely to be calling you wondering where you are and when you are coming back. If she is unable to live with these boundaries then you may need to examine whether she is capable of returning to full independence or if she will need some kind of support long term.

Flightymom · Answer

I am also a reclusive type so I understand where you’re coming from. I think your mom is lonely, but she needs to allow you time to yourself. Are you on the same sleep schedule? When I stayed with my mom it helped that she went to bed much earlier than I did.
I like the idea of letting her know that you have a scheduled time without interruptions. Then you have something to look forward to and she knows when she can call again.

Daughterof1930 · Answer

When I’m at my dad’s for a long period of time I’ve learned to take walks, they may not be for long, but they are essential. He’s a talker too, and out of boredom he questions me constantly on what I’m doing. I’m understanding, he wants to help, like if I’m looking for something, and he misses being involved in things. But I do know how old it can get, so I walk the block pretty often. Some fresh air and exercise and a few minutes several times a day to regroup!

MargaretMcKen · Answer

The 10 to 20 minute story suggests that politeness for you means that you sit and listen. Get up and move around. Go in and out to the kitchen. ‘Hold a minute, I just have to blah blah blah’. You will cope better, and provide less encouragement, if you stop being a dead insect specimen pinned to a page.

Develop a need for at least one two-hour silent time a day. Have a doctor’s appointment that tells you to rest to reduce your blood pressure. Decide that you are writing a book. Whatever story you like, but you simply have to have that two hours without interruption.

Good luck!

I am going NUCKIN' FUTS!!!

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