Does anyone ever lose their patience when giving instructions to someone in their care that doesn’t seem to understand what you want done?

YES! I have to repeat myself constantly yet he keeps coming back and asking the same thing over and over. I try to be patient but after a while, I lose it. It's a long story as to how this all started, you don't have that much time! But let's just say that he is at fault for ending up like this due to alcohol. He doesn't drink now but the damage has been done. I think it's a combination of the dementia, a small stroke he had that we didn't know about, the alcohol abuse, and his family genetics. And I knew years ago that something was going to happen if he didn't stop drinking. He wouldn't listen to me and now, I feel like I'm having to pay for his ignorance. I resent him sometimes. Then I feel guilty for it. Then I get angry again because of what he has put me through. And he has put me through years of hell. I've been pushed to the point that I hated him, couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. By the time he got me to this point, I wasn't able to take care of myself alone. So I'm stuck now. Someone has to take care of him, he can't. Am I horrible, I think I am sometimes.

All the time...

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Sendhelp, those are great suggestions. 
My frustrations boiled over when I burned out, and got sick.  Luckily, or with Angel help, my aunt had a few ministrokes right around then, and had a hospital stay and rehab, then MC.  I was with her all day in the ER, then in again for bronchitis and a severe asthma attack of my own.  Very sick.  It became obvious even to me that I could no longer take care of her.  Only you will know that point for yourself.

I work on this every single day. I have taken to counting to ten a lot. I also leave the room to get rid of the frustration. It has helped. I think I am frustrated at least a few times a day. I hate living like this.

I'm so grateful for those who answered my problems re. the loss of patience.  I tried some suggestions yesterday and they helped.  I know that I do react in a disrespectful when I am tired and have not had enough sleep. I'm working on all these things and I feel better to know know I'm not alone in this.  God Bless us All.

My mom's been saying snarky comments to me for a few years. She recently was scammed out of money so I'm becoming more involved in her financial situation (per her & my siblings request). I now feel justified snapping back at her when she gets on my nerves but then feel guilty about it later.

You can learn to be more patient by resetting your focus on the actions not being your LO but rather the disease, but everyone has their moments where we fail to be as patient as we want to be. For me, those are more often about how I am feeling than how irritating my LO actions are being that day. When I'm in pain from my own issues or haven't been sleeping well because I'm in pain or not breathing well enough from my asthma to sleep more than an hour of so at a time for several days then it's a lot easier to be irritated. I apologize in the moment (because I usually feel the regret and guilt in about 2 seconds) and move on. I'm not a perfect care giver but I'm a good one. Bet that applies to all of us who feel guilt about losing it with our LO too.

All. The. Time. I am afraid that I'm not a patient person. The "good" thing is that my mom has such bad memory issues, she rarely remembers after a few minutes if we've had an argument. I'll apologize if I feel I need it for myself, if you know what I mean, but apologizing to her after she's forgotten it only stirs the pot again.

You are worried for him, that I understand, this is your husband.

You may be nearing burnout, here is my suggestions:

Bring in a physical therapist, or companion who can instruct him. He may not be cooperating or even listening to you. It helps when coming from more of a stranger, imo. You work to help him only when he is more cooperative.

Before you lose your patience, walk outside (yes, in the cold!), and think about how cold it is out there, nothing else. Is there snow, rain? Beautiful, isn't it?

Lower your expectations when he is having a harder time than normal. Just sit him down, cancel your request for him to do whatever it is. Walk away. Or just sit with him, offer water, tea, relax.

Ask him to do less. Think about how important it is to be done right at that moment. Does he need help showering? Bring in help.

How is he with you? Angry, impatient, irritable, ungrateful, demanding, arrogant, dismissive, even yelling? That is hard to cope with.

What else?

Note: His condition will wax and wane, that is normal, he is not faking. Be wise in helping him too much when he is feeling better, as well as wise in knowing when to intervene.

Take one day off a week.

Find a therapist or case worker, social worker to talk to. Come back and talk to the forum, so your anger lessens.

You can do this....

My mother is obsessed with 2 cats. She opens and closes doors looking for them. Doesn’t sound so bad until you live with someone opening and closing doors all the time. I said a few days ago “you are crazy”. So what if the cats go upstairs or downstairs? And if you weren’t opening the doors all the time , they couldn’t. Yes. I felt guilty for telling her she’s crazy. But she is. I’m only human. Living in a psych ward environment. But. You know what. I worked in a locked ward psych unit years ago. Had a ton of actively schizophrenic patients. Did not go in their world. Told them as was instructed 30 years agowhat was real and what they needed to do to get in the real world. Which was to take their meds and go to therapy. Well know dementia is not schizophrenia , but it doesn’t seem so much different than my work 30 years ago. Except age of onset

Health4him - Your question should be rephrased to ask if anyone NOT ever lose patience with their loved ones. If any hand goes up, that person probably is a saint. But you have to be dead to be a saint. So, there you go. We are all guilty of losing patience now and then. Be lenient and forgiving to yourself and your husband. Or at least try to. That's all we can do.

Of course we do. Then we feel guilty and beat ourselves up over it, don't we? Realize you are human with human failings; ask God and your patient to forgive you a d help you, then move ahead......every day