CM-- I felt kind of privileged that daddy talked to me about this. He had already suffered for 15+ years with Parkinson's and he had just entered the bedbound stage. He tried to OD himself, twice, but couldn't coordinate his efforts long enough to get enough pills in him. Mother found him once and called me(!) even tho they LIVED with brother. I raced up there (midnight or so) and mother is freaking out--DH took her in another room and I sat with daddy and we both cried.
I KNEW it was only going to get much, much worse for him and I wish he had had the option to pull his own plug, so to speak.
I don't think I would have felt guilty. I know my daddy still lives. I know he loves me. I wish I had been strong enough to do what he asked.
My FIL was dying and his oncologist asked if we would allow him to give dad a dose of morphine to ease his breathing...family said "yes, please". Dr turns his back to us, shielding everyone but me from the view of the IV and proceeds to empty the biggest syringe into the IV that I have ever seen. He looked back and I smiled at him and mouthed "thank you".
FIL was gone in less than 10 minutes.
If I had had access to enough morphine....yes, I think I could have eased daddy's pain.
It IS the fact there are other people involved that makes this hard.
Frankly, I had nightmares from NOT helping him out. I felt much guiltier by allowing his painful life to go on and on--long past any sense of "happy" existed.
If you had done as your father asked you, what then? How well do you think you'd be sleeping now? You wouldn't have known about those eighteen months of suffering to offset the guilt of it, don't forget.
If you'll forgive me, and making allowances for what he was going through, I don't think your father should have burdened you with that request and for that reason I don't think you can look on it as something you could in any circumstances have chosen to do for him. I'm no less sorry that he suffered, though.
It's the having to involve other people in our end of life choices that's the rub of the whole thing, isn't it.
I am kind of on the fence about assisted suicide. BUT, I also have a SIL who will "help me" if I get to the point that my life is unliveable.
He's kind of a saint to a lot of people already. I agree--we are keeping people alive by artificial means for waaaaaay too long.
My sweet daddy BEGGED me to overdose him on his pain meds. I just...couldn't. He lived another 18+ months in hell. I have such mixed feelings about what I did/didn't do.
And I would consider myself a VERY religious person.
I felt kind of privileged that daddy talked to me about this. He had already suffered for 15+ years with Parkinson's and he had just entered the bedbound stage. He tried to OD himself, twice, but couldn't coordinate his efforts long enough to get enough pills in him. Mother found him once and called me(!) even tho they LIVED with brother. I raced up there (midnight or so) and mother is freaking out--DH took her in another room and I sat with daddy and we both cried.
I KNEW it was only going to get much, much worse for him and I wish he had had the option to pull his own plug, so to speak.
I don't think I would have felt guilty. I know my daddy still lives. I know he loves me. I wish I had been strong enough to do what he asked.
My FIL was dying and his oncologist asked if we would allow him to give dad a dose of morphine to ease his breathing...family said "yes, please". Dr turns his back to us, shielding everyone but me from the view of the IV and proceeds to empty the biggest syringe into the IV that I have ever seen. He looked back and I smiled at him and mouthed "thank you".
FIL was gone in less than 10 minutes.
If I had had access to enough morphine....yes, I think I could have eased daddy's pain.
It IS the fact there are other people involved that makes this hard.
Frankly, I had nightmares from NOT helping him out. I felt much guiltier by allowing his painful life to go on and on--long past any sense of "happy" existed.
If you had done as your father asked you, what then? How well do you think you'd be sleeping now? You wouldn't have known about those eighteen months of suffering to offset the guilt of it, don't forget.
If you'll forgive me, and making allowances for what he was going through, I don't think your father should have burdened you with that request and for that reason I don't think you can look on it as something you could in any circumstances have chosen to do for him. I'm no less sorry that he suffered, though.
It's the having to involve other people in our end of life choices that's the rub of the whole thing, isn't it.
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I am kind of on the fence about assisted suicide. BUT, I also have a SIL who will "help me" if I get to the point that my life is unliveable.
He's kind of a saint to a lot of people already. I agree--we are keeping people alive by artificial means for waaaaaay too long.
My sweet daddy BEGGED me to overdose him on his pain meds. I just...couldn't. He lived another 18+ months in hell. I have such mixed feelings about what I did/didn't do.
And I would consider myself a VERY religious person.