I am kind of going through the same thing. My DH had two major heart attacks last summer. I handled the "occasions" and rehab without much emotion, justy powered through them. Here I am 10 months later and I am a mess. I know I have been holding in the stress I felt and was being tough and strong for him---as her went through 2 near death experiences.
Suddenly now I am crying, having body aches and I want to sleep all the time---I know me and I know I am just now "grieving" but the anxiety is crazy bad right now. My psych doc refuses to ever, ever, ever let me have anymore tranquilizers in a month--ever. And I just realized I will run out a few days before I can refill and I'm already freaking out.
I also took PT care of my mother during all this time--and ahelped a friend (I thought) through a difficult time--turned out she was just using me, big time, and I am so upset with that.
I need to learn how to self care better. I'm awful at it.
And yes, everyday caregiving is different than the day before and the days to follow. That uncertainty makes it all just that much harder.
I can't help you--just let you know there are a lot of us out here!
onlychild, I experience the same thing. I think because with caregiving, every day is different. My mom will have bad days where dementia has taken over and I have to watch her like a hawk, and other days she seems in her right mind and is more stable. It's nice to have this group, though, to know you're not alone in all of this :)
onlychild, when you think about it, you are placed in a full-time job where one has very little experience. It's a job that if you saw it advertised you wouldn't even consider, especially a job ad listing no pay, no vacation days, no sick days, plus over-time and work every weekends.
Yet we feel we need to help out to the best of our abilities. Everyone is different, thus not everyone is cut out for this type of work. Others have a calling for caregiving.
Oh how I remember the emotional buttons that my Dad use to push, mainly saying he was going back to driving. That subject would get me so very angry.
Even though my parents were under their own roof, and I under my own, every night was a sleepless night. When the phone rang and I saw their caller ID, I would go into sheer panic.
Yes, I would also cry, mainly because the stress was damaging my health. Only child here, too, no siblings to practice on while growing up. My Mom refused caregivers or downsizing. Once Mom was in long-term-care due to complications from a fall, Dad was easy as he knew he needed caregivers to help him, and he was ready to downsize.
My parents passed on a couple of years ago, and I am still in panic mode. Meds are helping.... only wished I would have had accepted the meds earlier on while helping my parents.... [sigh]
Suddenly now I am crying, having body aches and I want to sleep all the time---I know me and I know I am just now "grieving" but the anxiety is crazy bad right now. My psych doc refuses to ever, ever, ever let me have anymore tranquilizers in a month--ever. And I just realized I will run out a few days before I can refill and I'm already freaking out.
I also took PT care of my mother during all this time--and ahelped a friend (I thought) through a difficult time--turned out she was just using me, big time, and I am so upset with that.
I need to learn how to self care better. I'm awful at it.
And yes, everyday caregiving is different than the day before and the days to follow. That uncertainty makes it all just that much harder.
I can't help you--just let you know there are a lot of us out here!
{{Hugs}}
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Yet we feel we need to help out to the best of our abilities. Everyone is different, thus not everyone is cut out for this type of work. Others have a calling for caregiving.
Oh how I remember the emotional buttons that my Dad use to push, mainly saying he was going back to driving. That subject would get me so very angry.
Even though my parents were under their own roof, and I under my own, every night was a sleepless night. When the phone rang and I saw their caller ID, I would go into sheer panic.
Yes, I would also cry, mainly because the stress was damaging my health. Only child here, too, no siblings to practice on while growing up. My Mom refused caregivers or downsizing. Once Mom was in long-term-care due to complications from a fall, Dad was easy as he knew he needed caregivers to help him, and he was ready to downsize.
My parents passed on a couple of years ago, and I am still in panic mode. Meds are helping.... only wished I would have had accepted the meds earlier on while helping my parents.... [sigh]