I hope you are all hanging in there. I just wanted to let you know that my niece had a boy. I found out from my moms hairdress.

Forgot ((HUGS))

I think the problem here is that you are still blaming yourself and ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! Its your brothers and you can not do anything about it. For whatever reason HE chose to be a B _ _ _ _ _d. He blamed Mom for something your Dad did. You have to let it all go. You can do nothing to change it. Your brother has to do the changing and apologize to Mom for something she had nothing to do with.

My Mom was a good one. Her life was her family. And she liked it that way. But my brother's never took the time for her when they married and moved away. Maybe because she never demanded it. It upset my Dad but not enough to tell them. Which he should have. Christmas she would get something. My one SIL always wanted to buy her clothes. Never anything my Mom would wear. I suggested money or a gift card, no had to send clothes. When I cleaned out, found tops Mom never wore because they weren't her. Birthdays and MDay went by.

Her last year very few visits. And one brother is 30 min away. The other 8 hrs. And when he did visit, could go the second day he was here because "he couldn't see her this way".

The way my brother's are is not my fault. They are adults and I am not going to tell them what they should and shouldn't do. They have to live with their decisions. Not me, I was here for years. Doing everything for my parents. I have no regrets. (other than I lacked patience but thats me period) You can't change people but you can change you. Everything has been said. Its up to brother. For Moms sake, you have to drop it. Be there for her and love her.
There comes a time in your life that you have to stop feeling guilt when you are not the guilty one. I have a friend who feels it was up to me to keep her informed about luncheons, she thought, our class was having. She received the wrong info. But felt she had the right to leave me a nasty VM about it. I tried to call her back but she wouldn't pick up and went to a FULL VM so I couldn't leave a message. So I texted, still haven't received a reply. She has always been a "poor" me person. I feel I am owed an apology. (She knows the truth now) Earlier in my life I would have apologized for the sake of the friendship but not anymore. I am still waiting for that apology.

Family dysfunction is heartbreaking and when there is a birth in the family, that is such a triggering event. I am sorry this is happening, but there is likely a very good reason things are like this. In a moment of reflection, it is easy to wonder how things turned out as they currently are. I believe if you think about it long enough though, the answer will become clear. Sometimes it is not that we hold resentments or anger, but rather that we just cannot keep making room in our lives for dysfunction because it literally drags us down to a point we can no longer function. It is an act of survival for ourselves. Feeling like everything on your shoulders can collapse is what I had felt for years. Sometimes you have to sort of let things "fall", in order to get yourself to a good place to be able to keep on with your life. Hard to explain if you haven't lived it. Hugs to you.

Thank you all for your understanding. I am at my moms now. Lee and I came down in separate cars yesterday because he had to go to work . I have to take mom to a couple appointments and I wanted to spend some time with her after hearing about the baby. I don’t know what it is lately especially yesterday. I get a big pit in my stomach and feel emptiness when I drive down here. But it was worse this time. Has anyone thought you were at peace with it and then you go back again to pretty much blame yourself for the family turmoil. I have messed up i am sure but I am not the only one. Yet there are still days where i feel i destroyed my family by taking care of my parents the last four years (did I do that wrong) . Then with my mom refinancing the farm to get money for my brother and moms bathroom. However, my brother never would have gotten the money he desperately needed. I am down here in my head reliving what happened and questioning what I could have done differently. Then I know what is a big issue is all the fear i have. I hear all about how other families are going through something even worse than i am. Example hearing i haven’t spoken to my brother in 30 years and I am so afraid that’s going to happen to us. Gosh i feel like i have gone backwards in my emotional state. I was just wondering if any of you have had similar experiences. I have probably wrote this before and I apologize if I did. I am not sleeping very well and my pancreas is acting up. It doesn’t matter but I do once again want to thank all of you for being a part of my journey. We all need each other to support us.

The birth of a child should be announced by the parents when they are ready to announce it and to whom they want to announce it to.

Hi, Staff. I’m sorry you’ve had even more weight put on your shoulders. Is Mom really upset by this? If she isn’t, you shouldn’t be either. Mom has lived s lot of life and she is well aware that some people are just...well...buttheads. Pregnancy and childbirth can be a very emotional time. And, maybe someone is whispering things in your niece’s ear.

Have you thought of hiring someone to cut the grass?

Go to therapy and remember, we love you.

The birth of a child in the family should be announced a.s.a.p. by family, imo.
Someone should have called you to tell you. That is how it could be in a loving family without dysfunction. So sorry you were hurt in this way, making the birth a bittersweet event.

One could, if the newborn's parents are open to it, make a separate relationship with nephew's family, apart from your mother.

Sorry that I may not have gotten that right. I tried to understand.
I was thinking of a wasted lifetime relying on my sister to give info on her children.....my niece and nephews. When I could have reached out to them
without "her permission, influence, and control". They have children now.

I could find their address on the Christmas cards they sent to me last, and reach out.

Hugs! You are strong as well.

Yes, I sometimes wonder how things went wrong, but I remind myself that it takes 2 to tangle and when the time is right, it will all work out how it is supposed too.

It is spring time, focus on all the rebirth around you and find joy in that as you push the weight to the wind.

A new life is always a joy. Sounds like life is kind of heavy for you right now. (hugs).