You all have said it all...frustrating and exhaustion beyond words...siblings let you do it all..rarely come to town and when they do mom lauds/praises them...not you..once mom said “well, what else do you have to do?” (oh, I dunno, maybe enjoy retirement?)
As a paranoid alcoholic, she thinks you and staff steel her clothes, her jewelry. She thinks she’s independent but has vascular dementia, and allows you to do it all ...You take them shopping, to the dr, you get called 3am by LTC facility..You need to come to hospital...Moms fallen..doesn’t remember falling (drunk)., but injures hand so severely it takes weeks/months for debriding, dressing chgs you have to take her to dr every few days..she’s in hospital again, had UTI Infections and another time needs a pacemaker-you have to do it ALL... this, after 1yr of caretaking of Dad after head/neck cancer... he dies in hospice and now you get to start up taking care of mom for eight more years!
We could all go on with never ending stories...Sibs don’t help, they just tell you how you need to/should handle it...
Finally after 8 yrs with no end in sight, and out of desperation and feeling like I was drowning, my husband and I decided to move to Florida, a 2-3 Day Drive from where mom lived in asst living...felt guilty (still do) about “abandoning” her...thought sibs would step up those last 2yrs..NOT...
Mom died alone, nearly 94 yrs old, without any of the 3 of us there with her at the end....so very sad...I cry thinking about it .
So many emotions...you end up feeling empty inside... don’t know how to get past it ... and sibling relationship is irreparably damaged ...we talk but not like we use to...
Sound familiar???
You have my sympathy and understanding. Sending hugs and hoping somewhere along the way you find some peace.
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