I want to thank everyone again for all your responses, I appreciate it so very much. My father is settling in to the VA home somewhat nicely. He's had several episodes where the staff finds him on the floor in the bathroom (he has severe left sided weakness from his stroke back in November). I keep telling the nurses when they find him like that he's had a seizure and doesn't remember he can't walk. He is very stubborn about participating in the activities they have there and will hardly ever come out of his room and go to the dayroom. Honestly he's just sitting there waiting to die. I try to get up there at least twice a week and he's always happy to see me but I still feel awful about having to leave him there - it's much better though. I wish there was someway I could get him to want to participate but I know my father, he's always pretty much kept to himself. There is so much he could be active in, but he just won't. I'm sure he's embarassed because he has a hard time talking and he can't get his words out. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all and thank you for being here for me when no one else really understands.
So, I wouldn't take it that he is stubborn and refusing, but ,that he is content and not able to do more.
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If your Dad has always kept to himself, he isn't going to change. When my Dad moved to senior living, he was friendly but a bit shy. He was at his happiness staying in his room, reading the newspaper and watching local 24-hour news. He was just soooo happy being away from his house [which he sold] and all the responsibility of taking care of that house. Now he could do what HE wanted :)