I’m constantly feeling overwhelmed! Working full time, and trying best to balance family obligations. Mom with dementia refuses to acknowledge has a problem and doctors and social workers don’t want her living on own any longer. Our family concurs.
I am stressing how to move someone to assisted living or board and care who is refusing to leave home.
My fear is removing her from home kicking and screaming. I do have POA and doctor recommendations in writing.
My work is being affected due to taking time off for mom appointments and constant calls during day regarding mom.
My home life is affected because my family needs attention that I can’t give because time with mom.
Mom feels I’m taking over life and treating her like her opinion doesn’t matter, says she was fine before I got in her business. I remind her about unpaid bills, rent, and imaginary people she says living with her she said people forget things when they age.
I have the task this week of deciding between Assisted living and board or care for mom both options she’ll hate. I know this needs to be done but the anxiety is getting to me. I want to scream!
Fast forward couple of weeks our family has been getting mom’s place ready for move, it’s been difficult mom gets emotional about letting us sort through her things and wants to inspect everything. Through this process I keep expecting the shoe to drop and everything to fall apart.
I’m praying our family can make it through this transition.
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When I introduced my Alz mom to a new sitter, mom was first agreeable, but after a couple of weeks, she refused the help, I waited a week or so and tried again, she was more receptive, eventually she became familiar with the sitter and accepted her. It's easy for me to type these words now, but at that time, I was pulling my hair out.
My mom is pretty stubborn, at her last doctor appointment two weeks ago her doctor told her he didn’t feel she should be living on her own any longer. Of course when I broached subject with her claimed that’s not was said. The doctor did follow up with a letter to me stating based on cognitive testing and personal observation he is declaring she is not competent to handle finances or live on her own any longer.
Tomorrow we are having a potential board/care caregiver meet us at her home to introduce herself, and help us coach her into board and care.
Please keep our family in prayer that we can make it though this transition.
I feel you are all becoming part of extended family for me. It’s good to know I have a safe place, which pulls me back in my moments of doubt
What I'm pointing out is that your mother is angry that she isn't fine *now* and she is looking for something to blame that doesn't involve there being anything she needs to do anything about.
This is all your fault! Look what you made me do! You put me off! - I'd have been fine if you hadn't bothered me...
Poor mother. Poor you.
The family concurs - are they also helping?
Have you decided between AL or board/care? How is mom reacting to it?
I might add that she may never go willingly and that she may be angry with you short term, but, she will forget about that. If you can learn to let the insults go over your head and just make the decisions on her behalf, since you said you have DPOA. I'd keep in mind that the staff needs to be able to manage care of someone who is resistant to care and who needs constant supervision, not just reminding.
Once she is in the hospital, you have her discharged to rehab. From there to long term care.
It doesn't mean you don't love your mother. It means you refuse to play at her game of independence. You block her number and tell her to call 911 if she needs help.
"Right now, it's your choice, mom. This way, you and I get to choose where you live. If you wait until you fall, someone else will choose".
I'm sorry if this sounds cold. It's the reality that will allow you to save your own life.