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anonymous912123 Posted July 2019

There are no new memories made today...and those made in the past are becoming lost!

Not a question, just a sad day....As many know, my brother and I are moving his father and his wife from a AL home we placed them in...in AZ, where they lived, it is not working out so we are now moving them here, FL and placing them in a beautiful facility . He is 90, in very poor health and deaf, she, dementia maybe stage 5, declining rapidly.


Today was her birthday, I called, she answered, I wished her a Happy Birthday, dead silence at her end...finally she said "Oh Yes, Yes It is my Birthday". So, I ask "Did you get the cards we sent"? Dead silence again, so I plow through "Have you checked the mail"? Her response, she doesn't remember. Just last year, as soon as they rec'd any type of gift or card she would call immediately and thank us. We sent a Fathers Day card last month, the same thing, since he is totally deaf, responding has been her job! This is now lost, and I feel so sad, her decline is so evident and rapid. We first noticed this 5 years ago and convinced her to go to a neurologist, she went to the first appointment, the doctor scheduled her for a brain scan, she did the scan and never went back, if she had, possibly a med like Aricept would have helped to slow her progression down, now the disease is on fire. She is a lovely person, I detest this disease and what it has done to her. I am glad that we made the decision to move them here, at this point we do not know how long he will live or how long they can stay in AL, due to her issue, they both may have to go into MC, the home we are placing them in does offer a step up program so the move will be somewhat easy, although I find nothing about this matter easy.

anonymous912123 Jul 2019
Update to my post. My brother told me that the AL she is in had a little birthday party for her at dinner last night. When I called her this morning I asked her about the party...she said...what party? Oh well, onward, I've learned to just let it go!

Lizzy17 Jul 2019
I know exactly what you mean...my opinion on the subject has changed over time too...

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anonymous912123 Jul 2019
I thank you, I will follow your advice and embrace the good days.

lealonnie1 Jul 2019
I'm sorry you're going through this, and even sorrier that your loved ones are going through this. It really is a dreadful thing to witness, the steady decline and ever-changing, chameleon-like behaviors associated with dementia. I'm continuously shocked and saddened to see my mother exhibiting all sorts of awful behavior, and getting angrier and more argumentative on a daily basis. It's very hard for them, but it's also incredibly hard for US. Nobody wins, I'm afraid, and we all suffer this losing battle.
One day at a time, right? Hang in there..........I'm hoping tomorrow will bring a bit of joy to overshadow today's sadness.

Ahmijoy Jul 2019
I am so,so very sorry. Those of us who have been on this awful journey with a loved one completely understand. We all have our own heart-rending personal stories but we all share a common bond.

There will still be good days. Put those “in the bank”. I had them with my mom and in-laws when I thought there would never be any more.

I am sending you a boatload of huge hugs and much understanding.

AlvaDeer Jul 2019
It's so horribly sad. We honestly lose those we love before they are gone; they are utterly changed, and our relationships go with those changes. How exceptionally lucky to have you. Honestly, no matter the changes, even the day she mistakes you for "aunt Betty" she has your love. And that's so important. The short term memory thing is the worst, because no, even if she knew it was her birthday a few hours ago, she won't remember again later. And the same with the card. It is so painful to see the changes. But again, so very lucky to have you there and loving them.

NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2019
I’m sorry you are hurting and having a bad day. I too feel nothing but anxiety watching my mom progress with Parkinson’s disease. I truly hope I die without any of these horrible diseases. Very hard to wrap my head around. I get people who say they want assisted suicide. I truly do and it surprises me because I didn’t think I would ever feel that way. I felt it was up to God when we die. Now I am not so sure.

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