Sounds like New Orleans. Hot and humid here. Yes, we can buy a tree wearing t-shirt, shorts and sandals then go home to an iced tea rather than a cup of hot cocoa.
Our weather is crazy. I distinctly remember packing up winter clothes before summer, putting them away for summer clothes. No walk in closets when I was a kid. Then packing summer clothes before winter. That doesn’t happen now because all clothes are worn year round.
The saying here is if you don’t like the weather, stick around for 20 minutes.
My husband says being a meteorologist is the only job that a person can be wrong 50 percent of the time and not lose their job.
I love holidays, decorating, planning events, etc., but, it's just too blooming hot around here! NC hit record temp today. 100 degrees in Oct. I'll be more festive when it cools down. That's how it is around here. One year, I picked out a real tree while wearing shorts and t-shirt. Other years, I've driven home with my tree in the snow!
Thanks. NY. That means a lot to me. I feel like I can feel my emotions again instead of drowning. Does that make sense? My therapist says he can see changes in me too.
It’s funny. He used to hand me tissues for my tears. Now he smiles with me.
Need - that is a lovely way to give of yourself at the holidays. I am so glad to read your posts because your newfound joy and zest for life really shines through. I wish you, your husband and daughters many more joyful holidays together! Peace.
I don’t know about you but unnecessary ‘pressure’ gets to me. I’m done with putting undue pressure on myself.
I’m with you, we shouldn’t be involved in anything that isn’t truly joyful. Then do the same thing over and over. I foolishly did that for years until I said, ‘enough!’
I finally stopped cooking huge holiday meals just because my mom did it and expected me to continue a ‘tradition’ that made me miserable.
I started having smaller meals with our favorite dishes just for my immediate family. Guess what? My daughters loved it! Husband loved it!
Holidays did not hold the same pressure of me trying to be my mom when I clearly was not her!
My brothers never thanked me for all of the hard work. They showed up for the meal and to see their precious momma, (hope you don’t mind my sarcasm) but they weren’t at my house to see me, my husband or daughters.
So personally, I love your attitude and find it very inspiring. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. It’s smart!
This year I am going to suggest to my family that we volunteer with serving the homeless. I have always wanted to do that and since mom is no longer living here we can.
They used to bring me joy. Now they give me stress. I'm seriously considering dropping out of society for the holidays, staying home, and watching movies. I have reached the point of declining invitations from anyone who doesn't bring me joy. I think I just invented the Marie Kondo Approach to Holidays.
The holiday season is always a bittersweet time for me, always has been. I do love the holidays overall, but I'm not a fan of crowds at all and find the stores incredibly overpriced. I do like getting together with friends around the holidays and decorating the tree though.
As a nurse, my mother took turns working Thanksgiving or Christmas, though the first few years someone with no kids volunteered to work Christmas for someone with young children. One Thanksgiving Dad brought us to the hospital cafeteria to eat dinner with Mom. When she worked Christmas, we opened gifts Christmas Eve at Grandma's, where Santa's elves left the gifts early!
As a result, we learned that we could change our holiday to suit needs, and we learned what was most important...being with family. When my kids moved to other states, and then my 1st husband died, I put up a few decorations I enjoyed, asked my kids to call on the holiday, and spent time with others who were 'alone' for the holiday. I made my own new traditions.
I did very little the last 2 years. Took my aunt to the ER on Christmas 2 yrs. ago, and last year she went to ER on Thanksgiving. Time to think of what I want to do this year, and ask husband what he wants. Talking to family by phone is still important. I like being able to choose what is important to us and doing it.
Those ‘works of art’ from our children are priceless, aren’t they?
Have to ask you though, were they surprises?
My oldest daughter could keep a secret and the ‘treasures’ she made in school were a surprise for me.
The youngest one, that kid always marched to her own beat! It did not matter that the teacher told the children not to tell the parents what they made for them.
Nothing was ever a surprise for me. The minute I picked her up from school she would say, “Mommy, I made such and such for you at school today!” So I always knew what was inside the package. Haha.
Now, she will be shopping for a gift for me and send me a photo from her cell phone and show me the gift before she leaves the store! Just how she is and the oldest daughter still keeps her gifts as a surprise for me. So funny!
In the last several years I’ve hated it. Just another thing to add to my already too-long to do list. I’ve been pretty sloppy about it, and it makes me feel guilty because my kids are still kids.
That said, this year is going to be different. I’m going to work my butt off and enjoy everything. Why different? Because my oldest child, my first born son, will be graduating high school in June and enlisting immediately into the Air Force. So this will potentially be the last holiday season with my man-size baby boy for who knows how long. I have some years to make up for, and I want to do everything awesomely for him since we don’t know what next year or the next several years hold.
My dad is not a consideration at this point. Even when he was living here he didn’t want to be involved in any holiday stuff going on. Even though I tried everything to accommodate him. So this year I will respect his wishes and leave him be and just focus on my husband and kids...just like I did prior to 5 years ago.
Hoping everyone has a lovely and peaceful holiday season!
I try to ignore the 'holidays'...except for religious significance. My children have more family on my ex's side, so I don't interfere with them going there on thanksg & Chrstms. (Those things can happen with divorce). ...So I was glad I cud usually work holidays. I avoid the tv so I don't see the holiday 'yacketty-yak' all week & that helps me get by. I then visit with my kids on my usual days. I enjoy Christmas lights, (hang them inside my townhouse), wreath, poinsettia, ect. I display the adorable decorations that my kids made when they were in grade school... (Cute snowmen, & distorted candy dishes lol). Just cuz I like to.
Whoops! The maximum spending limit for the gift exchange was $50!!! Not $15.
Needhelp, thank you for opening up this discussion. It gave a lot of us a place to vent AND to reminisce. I’ve enjoyed all the responses and am thankful no one passed judgement on me :)
I want to thank everyone for responding to my post on holidays honestly. I appreciate the ‘real’ answers. No BS, no ‘saying what we think we should say’ or any of that.
I have been desperately trying to stay positive for myself and others. Truth is this season is going to be dramatically different for me, both good and bad. It helps to be able to express my feelings here on the forum. Thanks again.
We have a small family Linda. We used to have a drawing for the adults with a maximum spending limit ($15). We would write our name on a piece of paper and on the other side, we would write down gift ideas. I always liked that & picked something I knew the person I got would like & needed/wanted. Even if it cost a little more than the maximum. I know it’s the thought that counts but there were a few cheapskates who never spent more than $20. My BIL got my husband a few years in a row and one year he gave him a can of beer. Cheap beer too, not even a brand he drinks. My husband got BIL that year & got him the portable DVD player he wanted. I think that’s the last year we had the adult exchange haha! We do a white elephant exchange now which is fun.
We only buy for the kids now so I know I shouldn’t complain.
I guess I still love the holidays, but they are difficult in new ways now. How to make them enjoyable for hubby, how to make sure he can navigate where we go or that he can have just enough but not too much celebration here. How to cope with him wanting me to have fun, which results in me pretending to have fun when truly, none of this is much fun.
Worried, I don't know how big your family is, but I've seen friends' families do drawings. At Thanksgiving, they have two pots of names - one for adults and one for kids. And there was a price limit. The grandparents weren't included, as each family gave them gifts like usual. It just take one bold person to throw out the idea, the others may fuss but then think about how much less hassle this is and they get on board.
I love holidays, particularly from Oct-Dec was always stressful for me but not in a bad way because I love making a big deal of holidays.
This year taking care of my mom we're going kind of low-key because I'm trying not to put more on my plate. I have been working much less than usual so I don't have as much money to splurge, or time to decorate/bake/etc. or energy to clean it all up. So I'm trying to be sensible about it.
So I'm not so much stressed about it, but a little sad because I know we all get a finite number of holiday seasons, I'm sad about missing out on some of my usual fun and excitement but oh well, it is what it is.
As much as I love Christmas (and I totally admit, there’s no religious aspect for us at all), gifting always leaves me feeling conflicted. I know all the kids enjoy opening gifts (and that’s not what Christmas is about, at all). But year after year, it is the same thing—none of us know what to get for the nieces and nephews! And that is because we hardly know them! No one makes an effort during the year to actually be a family and get together. So every December, I get texts from the SILs asking what the kids want for Christmas! And of course I then have to ask them what their kids want too because I have no idea since I hardly see the kids! I always think......what is the point then? Let’s skip the gifts. It just seems materialistic and pointless because it’s not like the gifts will be anything meaningful. But at the same time, it makes me feel very conflicted because I do love Christmas shopping for my kids and wrapping everything up. I just hate the pressure of buying gifts for other people.
And then the pressure of everyone getting together for the holidays. While I love being with our family and friends, I hate the drama and the pressure of it all. When family makes no effort to see each other and act like a family all year long, sorry not sorry but I don’t feel the least bit obligated to spend a holiday with them and pretend we are a Norman Rockwell painting. I love to cook a thanksgiving feast and eat the leftovers for a few days but as holiday it’s not a big deal, I don’t understand why there is pressure to all be together? If family means so mean, we ought to act like one all year long.
Sorry to be a Debbie downer here but the holidays are approaching and it’s hard not to anticipate the same problems that erupt year and year. I am very much looking forward to spending thanksgiving at home this year, cooking a big meal for my little family. With no pressure. No drama no obligations. Hopefully that’s not asking too much LOL.
I love Halloween and Thanksgiving as it's a holiday that you can take it as far or (not) as you like.
I despise Christmas with every fiber of my being. I'm an atheist, so the religious portion to me is silly. The gift-buying pressure is off the charts. Many years ago I jumped off that pathetic wagon, and my sisters were shocked then immediately jumped on that bandwagon when I proposed stopping the gift pressure.
Until I broke contact when my sisters turned "Twisted", we had games and desserts on Christmas Eve, did not exchange gifts except for giving them to Mom (who loved Christmas) and the few little kids, which were wonderful and I appreciated. I also appreciate the volunteerism and donations during that time of year.
NHWM, I’ve not spent much time in Florida - Disney World a couple of times and Daytona Beach once. I’m going to my girlfriends house who just moved to Marco Island. She is recently widowed with no children and moved there last month from Wisconsin. Supposed to have been her and her husband’s retirement home. He died in the middle of move preparations.
I agree that the holidays bring both joy and stress. Thinking specifically of Christmas, I enjoy so many of the traditions- the music, decorations, special foods, church on Christmas Eve. It makes a cold and dreary time of year so cheerful. Not to mention kids being so excited about everything ! But in the 7 years my MiL has lived with us, it seems like she is sick every Christmas. It doesn’t help that her husband passed away just days before Christmas, putting her in a blue funk each year as that date rolls around. No wonder she’s prone to getting sick then. Last Christmas Eve morning the family was in the kitchen making donuts and I was in MiL’s room holding the bucket while she threw up. I know that sounds like I have a major martyr complex but it’s the facts. So, a combination of joy and stress, for sure. I say, take the joyful moments as they come and bring on the holiday music and movies. I’ll make the popcorn!
Me too needhelp. Christmas Eve was always a big deal for us, we always celebrated. When we were little, my parents had a big party with family and friends. Then Christmas morning we opened presents and has breakfast and visited my dads foster parents. But it was a low key day and the excited ended as soon as the gifts were opened! The Christmas Eve party stopped when my grandma died but everything else stayed the same and we still had family over on Christmas Eve for dinner and there was lot of anticipation and excitement! I was surprised and a little disappointed when I got with my husband and found out his family didn’t do anything on Christmas Eve! Absolutely nothing. Not even church! Christmas morning was their big thing (which is totally cool too!) but I just wasn’t used to Christmas Eve being a normal day. It was kind of destiny that my daughter was born on Christmas Eve and that is why we have had a big family party every Christmas Eve since then.
Something I always enjoyed but will likely not happen is this year is having some of my husbands coworkers stop by for Christmas Eve dinner on their dinner break. He’s not on patrol anymore, he’s behind a desk and works weekdays now so I don’t think he’ll invite anyone over since his work friends work weekdays too. I always enjoyed being able to feed a few of the guys a nice warm meal of prime rib & turkey & have them celebrate the holiday with us since they couldn’t be with their own families.
Sounds like New Orleans. Hot and humid here. Yes, we can buy a tree wearing t-shirt, shorts and sandals then go home to an iced tea rather than a cup of hot cocoa.
Our weather is crazy. I distinctly remember packing up winter clothes before summer, putting them away for summer clothes. No walk in closets when I was a kid. Then packing summer clothes before winter. That doesn’t happen now because all clothes are worn year round.
The saying here is if you don’t like the weather, stick around for 20 minutes.
My husband says being a meteorologist is the only job that a person can be wrong 50 percent of the time and not lose their job.
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It’s funny. He used to hand me tissues for my tears. Now he smiles with me.
I don’t know about you but unnecessary ‘pressure’ gets to me. I’m done with putting undue pressure on myself.
I’m with you, we shouldn’t be involved in anything that isn’t truly joyful. Then do the same thing over and over. I foolishly did that for years until I said, ‘enough!’
I finally stopped cooking huge holiday meals just because my mom did it and expected me to continue a ‘tradition’ that made me miserable.
I started having smaller meals with our favorite dishes just for my immediate family. Guess what? My daughters loved it! Husband loved it!
Holidays did not hold the same pressure of me trying to be my mom when I clearly was not her!
My brothers never thanked me for all of the hard work. They showed up for the meal and to see their precious momma, (hope you don’t mind my sarcasm) but they weren’t at my house to see me, my husband or daughters.
So personally, I love your attitude and find it very inspiring. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. It’s smart!
This year I am going to suggest to my family that we volunteer with serving the homeless. I have always wanted to do that and since mom is no longer living here we can.
As a nurse, my mother took turns working Thanksgiving or Christmas, though the first few years someone with no kids volunteered to work Christmas for someone with young children. One Thanksgiving Dad brought us to the hospital cafeteria to eat dinner with Mom. When she worked Christmas, we opened gifts Christmas Eve at Grandma's, where Santa's elves left the gifts early!
As a result, we learned that we could change our holiday to suit needs, and we learned what was most important...being with family.
When my kids moved to other states, and then my 1st husband died, I put up a few decorations I enjoyed, asked my kids to call on the holiday, and spent time with others who were 'alone' for the holiday. I made my own new traditions.
I did very little the last 2 years. Took my aunt to the ER on Christmas 2 yrs. ago, and last year she went to ER on Thanksgiving. Time to think of what I want to do this year, and ask husband what he wants. Talking to family by phone is still important. I like being able to choose what is important to us and doing it.
It's all so bittersweet.
Those ‘works of art’ from our children are priceless, aren’t they?
Have to ask you though, were they surprises?
My oldest daughter could keep a secret and the ‘treasures’ she made in school were a surprise for me.
The youngest one, that kid always marched to her own beat! It did not matter that the teacher told the children not to tell the parents what they made for them.
Nothing was ever a surprise for me. The minute I picked her up from school she would say, “Mommy, I made such and such for you at school today!” So I always knew what was inside the package. Haha.
Now, she will be shopping for a gift for me and send me a photo from her cell phone and show me the gift before she leaves the store! Just how she is and the oldest daughter still keeps her gifts as a surprise for me. So funny!
Sounds like a good plan. Best wishes to your son as he starts out on this new and brave adventure.
Your son deserves this holiday to be a special one. Enjoy this holiday season with him.
That said, this year is going to be different. I’m going to work my butt off and enjoy everything. Why different? Because my oldest child, my first born son, will be graduating high school in June and enlisting immediately into the Air Force. So this will potentially be the last holiday season with my man-size baby boy for who knows how long. I have some years to make up for, and I want to do everything awesomely for him since we don’t know what next year or the next several years hold.
My dad is not a consideration at this point. Even when he was living here he didn’t want to be involved in any holiday stuff going on. Even though I tried everything to accommodate him. So this year I will respect his wishes and leave him be and just focus on my husband and kids...just like I did prior to 5 years ago.
Hoping everyone has a lovely and peaceful holiday season!
Needhelp, thank you for opening up this discussion. It gave a lot of us a place to vent AND to reminisce. I’ve enjoyed all the responses and am thankful no one passed judgement on me :)
I have been desperately trying to stay positive for myself and others. Truth is this season is going to be dramatically different for me, both good and bad. It helps to be able to express my feelings here on the forum. Thanks again.
We only buy for the kids now so I know I shouldn’t complain.
It's a little bit of both for me, too.
This year taking care of my mom we're going kind of low-key because I'm trying not to put more on my plate. I have been working much less than usual so I don't have as much money to splurge, or time to decorate/bake/etc. or energy to clean it all up. So I'm trying to be sensible about it.
So I'm not so much stressed about it, but a little sad because I know we all get a finite number of holiday seasons, I'm sad about missing out on some of my usual fun and excitement but oh well, it is what it is.
And then the pressure of everyone getting together for the holidays. While I love being with our family and friends, I hate the drama and the pressure of it all. When family makes no effort to see each other and act like a family all year long, sorry not sorry but I don’t feel the least bit obligated to spend a holiday with them and pretend we are a Norman Rockwell painting. I love to cook a thanksgiving feast and eat the leftovers for a few days but as holiday it’s not a big deal, I don’t understand why there is pressure to all be together? If family means so mean, we ought to act like one all year long.
Sorry to be a Debbie downer here but the holidays are approaching and it’s hard not to anticipate the same problems that erupt year and year. I am very much looking forward to spending thanksgiving at home this year, cooking a big meal for my little family. With no pressure. No drama no obligations. Hopefully that’s not asking too much LOL.
I despise Christmas with every fiber of my being. I'm an atheist, so the religious portion to me is silly. The gift-buying pressure is off the charts. Many years ago I jumped off that pathetic wagon, and my sisters were shocked then immediately jumped on that bandwagon when I proposed stopping the gift pressure.
Until I broke contact when my sisters turned "Twisted", we had games and desserts on Christmas Eve, did not exchange gifts except for giving them to Mom (who loved Christmas) and the few little kids, which were wonderful and I appreciated. I also appreciate the volunteerism and donations during that time of year.
How sad. I’m so sorry. I am sure seeing you will be comforting. You’re a good friend.
So sorry. Yes, mixed emotions. Hey, a movie sounds like a sensible solution.
How sweet that your daughter was born on Christmas Eve.
So sweet of you to feed the guys. It is a ‘brotherhood’ and that is what community and the holidays should be about.
Something I always enjoyed but will likely not happen is this year is having some of my husbands coworkers stop by for Christmas Eve dinner on their dinner break. He’s not on patrol anymore, he’s behind a desk and works weekdays now so I don’t think he’ll invite anyone over since his work friends work weekdays too. I always enjoyed being able to feed a few of the guys a nice warm meal of prime rib & turkey & have them celebrate the holiday with us since they couldn’t be with their own families.