I am sorry for yet another post. She's not even a month back and already I'm in constant turmoil. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so I don't know where else to take it.
My mom burned through her recent Norco RX early and was at the pain doctor getting more pills yesterday.
Her drug seeking and dependence, the continue lies, the charades, ALL of it can not sustain itself. Even if I don't say anything and "let the chips fall" which was where I wanted to head.... just stay out of it... but I now fully realize her behavior is too extreme and there are only two options.
1- My mother's doctors agree that she can safely stay on opiates for life to manage her mood, phantom pain, whatever other personality disorder or issue that drives her to do this, and she gets "permission" to remain opiate dependent. That will at least end the lies and risky behavior on her end to constantly be trying to obtain these pills. By risky behavior I mean her constant lies to family and her doctors and the conning to get the pills. I'm not the first person she conned into an ER visit in recent moths.
2- Her doctors don't agree that she remain on constant and increasing opiates and THEY help her wean off in a medical detox setting and THEY come up with a professional care plan.
I realize that BOTH of those options will require my intervention. By intervention I mean I need to inform her doctors and that pain doctor of her lies and deceit. I want THEM to tell me what the best course of action is because quite frankly I do not know.
Nor do I care if she stays on opiates forever. This isn't about judgement. This is about me not wanting to deal with the fall out of this addictive behavior when it goes very wrong, which is inevitable at this point.
She has a trip planned to her old area to visit her best friend. The same friend who was caring for her and is well aware of her issues minus the opiate addiction. My mom can not wait for that trip. Since it is in 2 weeks and she has a new pill supply (so no WD issues while away) I plan to speak to her doctors while she is gone. I want her to enjoy this trip. I don't want any intervention now to ruin that because as I said she is really looking forward to it.
But when she returns, one way or the other she will learn of my intervention.
I hate every living breathing second of this, and if she explodes, won't cooperate with her doctors, hates me etc.... then I will literally go NO CONTACT and tell my siblings someone will have to come pick her up because I AM DONE.
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She was kicked out at 11 AM after being admitted the night before. My problem is unfortunately bigger than just having the luxury of ignoring HER problems.
Otherwise I would believe me.
our first hospice nurse commented that its a shame the docs let her have opiates . the second one ( and wiser one imo ) said " so f'n what ? she found comfort in them . i wouldnt want to be the ogre telling her any different .
life is hard . dont tell people how to live theirs . and i dont mean that in a hateful way .
BEST OF LUCK!!!
That why I’m starting with her doctors. I need them involved at this point.
By by the end of November this will be resolved one way or another, and then I’ll get help for my emotional damage. Again.
I know I can’t control her but I’m still at the point I feel like I need to do what is necessary to keep her safe from disaster because for now that fallout will land on my lap.
Go to a meeting TODAY. Don't wait another moment. Don't keep going over the 'options' for your mother in your mind.........it's like being a hamster on a wheel. You'll never get to the 'finish line' because there ISN'T one!
Go listen to others who have walked in your shoes and let them help you figure out what to do next, ok?
Sending you a big hug and wishing you all the very best of luck.
The things you learn there will help you with the craziness this situation brings. Hearing from others and having people who have already been through this is going to be super beneficial for you. You'll never be able to stop her or control her addiction, but you can learn better ways for you to interact with her and behave around all of this. Al-Anon meetings are all about sharing experience, strength, and hope with friends and families of alcoholics (or addicts) - it's going to be just what you need.
And another group of people supporting you as you walk through all this, is a great thing!
Thanks for responding. The best case scenario is my mom agrees to a medical detox and gets off this addiction train. I imagine it is very difficult to live like that being ruled by these damn pills. She never took opiates until she was over prescribed in late 2014 after a shoulder surgery. I don’t think she’s been off them since.
Before that my mom was much more vibrant, walked for exercise, her mood swings weren’t as extreme and overall she was much better (for her). Makes me wonder how much this has affected her dementia.
Have you contacted your local mental health services to see if there are any local support groups for the families of addicts?
https://www.nar-anon.org/ is one such group.
Even if she is living elsewhere as she was over the summer, you are still dealing with the issues she creates. You need support for you as the adult child of an addict.