Follow up to all those that responded to Helpthyneighbor's need for advice.

HelpThyN - I am sorry for the passing of your wife and the distance with your daughter. You sent the email and said what you wanted, so maybe just let it rest there for a while. You do not need to let go of your daughter, but perhaps try to release any sadness or anger you may be feeling about her. Forgiveness is good, but they say we forgive for ourselves so we can move beyond our sorrow. It opens the door to let the light in.
Your daughter knows she can contact you. For now, I want to suggest to ground your emotions in a place of gratitude and love. If you are grateful for having the chance to be her father and if you shared love, then let those emotions be what resides in your heart. If or when she contacts you, come from that place. You will not need to ask her why, to re-hash past events, or lay blame. Just move forward from that moment.
We are all going through things and it is sometimes hard to see, but I will be hoping you can connect to the wonders that are still in this life. Even through heartbreak, it is alright to experience joy and happiness.

I have to say that I totally agree with Alva on this one. Give her time to process it. You never know what the future holds.

I also agree with trying to move on as best you can. My heart aches for you. I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. Separation is difficult. Memories don’t go away. I understand that.

You should be pleased knowing that you did all that you could. It’s hard when things are unresolved or not having answers to questions that will always have a place deep within our hearts.

Take care, please vent to us anytime. Cry if you need to. Anytime that you need a hug, just ask. Sending a giant hug for you right now.

If you want prayers, I will pray for you and burn a candle too. 💗

Again, I am terribly sorry.

Let us know how you are. I know you are grieving the loss of your wife. Having to grieve for both your wife and daughter is really sad. Very hard with your daughter because there isn’t any closure. Uncertainty is tough. It really is.

Also, don’t hesitate to seek help from a grief support group and counselor.

and stay the hell OFF MY LAWN !! .

i think most people look back at their childhood and dont even remember ' it ' being in color . they had no power in the family and rarely recall the lighter moments . its the bad things that we tend to remember .
every kid ( imo ) is determined that they'll be that exceptional parent who their kids will adore .
it aint gonna happen , their kids will rebuke them just as we barely tolerate our own parents .

my oldest son doesnt speak to me . i dont really care . i can live like a drunken sailor now and all my proceeds go directly to amusing myself . i worked hard , built them a home , took good care of them . my job is done . its freakin " ME time " .

I think it is a wonderful message to leave her with. That you hope she will return one day. And just leave her with it. Because quite honestly anything else is A) not going to work and B) could make things a good deal worse. She will have time now to think of what you have said. You have told her you care about her one final time.
There are many in the world who would be accepting and caring and in need of your caring soul. Branch out and meet new people who would appreciate your guidance and company and caring. Wishing you much luck.

I applaud you for being the bigger person and reaching out. I hope this works for you and eases your pain, but if you worded the email as you did above, essentially blaming her for all the pain and hurt and saying you forgive her, then you may not hear from her. Perhaps better wording would have been to take some responsibility for this situation in addition to your apology to her, and it might have been more appropriate. Regardless, you have done everything you can, and your conscience should be clear. Now let this go and see what time brings. If she does not come around, it is on her, not you. Live in peace, and keep us posted. Kindest wishes!

I am glad to hear that you have reached out, you have done your due diligence, now, it is time to explore your options to move on with your life, as she has done with hers.

Wishing you the very best!

She’s gone already, your daughter. I think that is pretty clear.
I am glad you sent the second email now just let it go.
I am one of three. One of my 2 brothers cut his family off from us (my mom & brother) and we never knew the reason.
My brother caused my mother so much heartbreak for years as mom & middle brother couldn’t figure out what had occurred to prompt this behavior. Yet that brother (dead now) went to Mass each Sunday. That irked me the most as one of the 10 commandments is Honor thy father & mother. He also hurt my other brother for the same reason.
This bothered me for years. It didn’t matter too much to me when he cut us off - he was 12 yrs older than me & I was off doing my thing. What really hurt was knowing my brother, his wife & 5 daughters lived 6 miles from my mother & brother & never visited.
I made a few attempts to re-connect just out of courtesy but they were rebuffed.
What bothered me the most was my oldest brother choosing to ignore his mother and brother (they were 2 years apart) throughout her illnesses (she passed at 89). Mom was in a nursing home the last 14 months of her life. 6 miles from my brother & family. As far as I know he never visited.
My point here is that you may never know what prompted your daughter to leave & close the door. My brother had a great relationship with my mom up until for whatever reason he shut it down.
People are people. Many families today are just not close as they used to be.
I understand you want closure from your daughter but she is not ready. She may never be ready. Respect that. Send her a card (emails are rather impersonal).
Then let it go. You’ve done your part.
Even before my brother cut us off we knew parts of my brothers life was not easy when he was growing up. He was out of control- got arrested at 17 for fighting, got kicked out of school, and generally was a smart a”* kid. Myself, I feel he blamed my mother for not protecting him from my dad’s anger & disappointment when he was in his teen’s & getting arrested for assault & battery. IMO he deflected his anger to my parents because he wasn’t able to face the fact that he made bad choices & then had to cope with the repercussions from his bad decisions his entire life. He blatantly disobeyed my parents back then in the 60’s. This brother is dead now, unfortunately. He had congenital heart disease no one found out about until his 50’s (an enlarged heart). When this was diagnosed back in the early 2000’s I (I am a RN) spoke with a doctor colleague who read my brothers Med records for me & told me to tell my brother to get on the heart transplant list. Well I told my brother this but he put it off. He died 5 yrs ago at age 67. He needed a heart transplant but started the work up too late and he died waiting. You see the pattern? My brother was a know it all when in fact he knew nothing. This time it cost him.

I am not into rehashing the past. It’s gone & over. I feel each person is accountable for their actions. I can’t control what they feel or do. What I can do is control me. If your daughter wants to reestablish her relationship, that’s fine & she will. In the interim give her time. But don’t set yourself up for more grief and sorrow. Daughter has shown her feelings (or lack of). The damage to her mother is done - don’t keep it going. To me it’s abhorable she didn’t see her mom when she was dying. But there are two sides to every story and we only know yours and the reasons you gave for the breakdown were vague.
Grieve for your wife & the love you had. Don’t give your daughter any more energy for fodder (because you may never know the answers anyway). Something happened.
Yes, let her go. What you want and what you may get are 180 degrees apart.
She is an adult. Respect her feelings even if you don’t want to. If she wants to be left alone then do it.
You are quite vulnerable now. Give the daughter issue a break for a few months. I applaud you trying to get her back into the fold but why? Sh