Life after mom..somehow.

Cetude,

Your dedication to your mother spoke volumes about your love. Some say there is no love without sacrifice. I have the utmost respect for you.

You deserve to have all the happiness in the world now. This is your time and I believe that your mom would want that for you too.

My mom has the range of motion issues too. It’s a terribly difficult situation. They become helpless needing assistance with all day to day activities.

You went above and beyond and I am thrilled to hear about your job and upcoming opportunity to attend your university. That’s fantastic and inspiring to let others know that it’s never too late to begin anew!

So happy for you! 💗

I'm sorting out my own feelings and remembering how she was before she died. Her ALzheimer's so severe she no longer talked, could not move her mouth muscles so unable to smile, and if I did not do range-of-motion to her arms she would have gotten contractured (arms locked up permanently). The only thing that kept her going was her PEG feeding tube so I was feeding one end and cleaning up the other. If I keep this in pespective I realize she's better off where she is. If she were still alive it would be like taking care of a living but dead-mind body.

I'm working now, and can support myself, and going back to university. Classes start soon, so I'm excited about this... Mom's disease process ate up my life that I sacrificed my life for her. Now it is time to focus on myself and finally do things I want to achieve.

sure I miss her, but reminding myself how she was before she died brings me comfort--she is better off where she's at now.

The mom I used to know where we went out together and she was able to care for herself...that person died a long time ago -- over 15 years -- when Alzheimer's killed her personality and life, leaving her a living shell only.

Cetude,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom and all the grief you are currently experiencing. I was also a caregiver for both of my parents with dementia.. all other siblings and family grew distant from them as their dementia got worse.. and I became closer and closer until eventually I disappeared and was just a caregiver for them. People stopped sending me cards, asking how I was, inviting me places....etc.

Last April my Dad passed.. my siblings were terribly mean to me and not supportive to me putting Dad on hospice.. they were not involved in either of my parents or there care in the last 5 years.. so knew very little about his health and where he actually was.. they all banned together against me.

The grief was so overwhelming when he passed as my whole life was wrapped around them... I am still dealing with the grief 6 months later.

Just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel when the center of your world goes.. it is very difficult to carry on.

I am still trying to figure it all out.. and make something worthwhile out of the time I had with my Dad.

Your Mom only passed a few weeks ago.. dont be to hard on yourself.. give yourself time to grieve.

Take care of yourself now.

Would you like to volunteer somewhere?

Dear cetude,
I'm very sorry for the loss of your dear mother. She must have been wonderful to deserve such devotion.
Having experienced a couple of losses of great magnitude myself, I will tell you what eased me into acceptance, thereby lessening my emotional anguish and allowed me to start seeing the meaning of living again.
First, I spoke to my doctor,( I am female and spoke to a female-they do listen better), who gave me suggestions from a medical standpoint, as in how to maintain my physical health.
Then I got talk therapy to help me come to terms with my loss and lingering grief.
The final healing thing that I "did", was adopting a new pet. In my case, each time it was a kitten, who just showed up and needed a home. Animals are uncanny that way.
The first kitten is now ten years old, the second just turned one.
I wish you peace and strength in navigating this new path.
Please know you will feel better.
R27

Cetude,

You are doing the best you can to cope right now. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves in their own personal way.

What do you need or want? Do you need your own space right now? Are you afraid or upset to be alone and would rather being around others?

It doesn’t have to be a large group of people. That can be overwhelming at times. Or would you rather be in a larger group to blend in the background?

I have felt all of these things. Allow yourself to move at your own pace. If you feel you are stuck, seek council. It’s going to take time. Don’t deny your feelings. I have done that before with ugly results. I thought I could bypass feeling the pain and trust me, it always catches up to you.

A million hugs, cetude. Your heart has been broken but in time you will heal.

That must be very difficult. You have come to the right place. We are here for you.

I don't even have my father. Nobody. No siblings. Just myself. I never been apart from mom all my life..this is the first time ever I been separated -- through death.

Cetude, it's definitely hard. My mom passed years ago. I still miss her very much. We were close. It feels like something is missing. I get emotional when thinking of her and try to hold on to the good memories i had with her. Plus, she's in my dreams once in a while.

Now i take care of dad, who i'm not as close with and is difficult.

I hope you find comfort. Make some friends. They help to fill the void. Keep busy with things and do something you enjoy.

All the best ((hugs))

Very sorry for your loss. I hope you will be comforted by your loving memories. Hugs and thoughts and prayers.

Cetude I am very sorry to learn your Mom passed away rest in peace. As I read your post it felt to me like I had written it as my Mother was the central figure in my entire Life too and tho it was very tough going being the sole Carer to Mom for the last four years of Her Life I felt it was a privilege for me to do so. When my Mother died It took me a very long time to mourn Her loss and to get back to some kind of normal. No day passes with out me thinking of Mom countless times every day and I have so many beautiful memories to savour. I now know that Life can never be even remotely similar to the way it was but We must keep going and live Our Lives and be the best that We can be and know that when Our Lives are finally over We will meet Our Mothers and all of Our love Ones in Heaven again where there is no suffering or pain but great peace and joy. I joined the local Legion of Mary Group in Our Parish and Prayer through the recitation of the Holy Rosary daily has brought great joy back into my Life.

Oh, Cetude! Grief is so hard and it's such a terrible, lonely feeling. There really are no words. (((((((((Hugs)))))). Be gentle with yourself.

Losing those we love is never easy. When my dad died it didn’t even seem real to me. You know when it hit me?

I was in a store and choosing a card for my husband for Father’s Day. Oh my Lord, I had to leave the store because I broke down sobbing in the store.

I had to compose myself before I could walk back into the store to buy the card for my husband.

I had suddenly realized that I would never be able to choose a Father’s Day card for daddy again. It killed me.

Grieving is very hard. It will hit us out of the blue and knock us off of our feet.

I know it will take some time for you to adjust. Be kind to yourself. What you are feeling is completely normal.

Hugs. 💗

I am so sorry...and sad....you are going through this. I totally understand what you are feeling. I lost my Mom 7 years ago, when I was 51 years old, and I still miss her terribly every single day. The only "magic formula" I found to lessen my grief is that she is now with my Dad, who died when I was just 19 years old. She was a widow for 33 years and only wanted to be with my Dad again. But that is the only thing that gives me peace. I truly hope you find your peace.