In 2 days, it will be 1 year since my mom passed away. It's still unbelievable to me. Some days I feel 'normal' some days I have such crushing grief and sadness, it takes my breath away. Nov 8th would have been her 78th birthday...and on that day, our beautiful cat had to be put to sleep. As if that day wasn't going to be hard enough...while I was holding him I swear I felt like I was outside of my body with sadness. My soul just feels like it's been raked over the coals. We just had our 1st Thanksgiving without her, took everything I had not to just cancel the holiday. My mom stayed with us for the last 5 years of her life, her rooms are the same as they were. I don't know if it's making things harder for me keeping things the same (I go in there everyday and talk to her) or if I should change the rooms to a guest bedroom & living room. I still feel her there...and can smell her there, especially in her closet. I don't know what to do.
Thanks for listening (and for the years of advice I've received).
One thing that has helped me when dealing with loss is thinking of how the person (or pet!) would feel if they saw me now... and for all we know, they indeed might be seeing us still! I like to think they are, anyway.
Would they want to see you miserable, canceling holidays, and unwilling to keep living your life? Would they want you to resent your time on this earth without them? No! They would tell you how precious your time is here and to get as much joy as possible.
Would they have peace knowing their passing is why you’re so sad? Anyone who loves you would feel terrible for making you feel bad, even if it wasn’t their fault or anything they could control.
Some people think the level and duration of their mourning reflects how much they loved the one they lost, and that isn’t true.
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My suggestion would be to clear out her room, dispose of her things, redo it, make it an inviting space for life...not a haven of death or a shrine to someone who has departed.
If that does not help, then I would suggest some therapy to get you unstuck.
Sending support your way.
I don’t know what is best in your situation. Have you gone to any grief counseling or support group? Do you feel that would help you in any way?
The holidays can be hard. Also anniversaries of deaths can be hard so she is on your mind. She lives in your heart. Your love has not died for her. It never will.
She would want you to remember the good. She would want you to have peace and joy. Don’t you think?
Sending you a big hug! Take care.