I’m the MIL sharing my home with my daughter, her husband & my grandchildren ages 13 & 9.

Your only 68, if you sell your house you can move to IL or a senior apartment. If you are so unhappy with this arrangement, change it. The "Can'ts" are just excuses.

I am 72, live alone, make my own life, just as it should be. When I can no longer take proper care of myself, I will check myself into IL or AL and go from there.

These adults living with each other plans to save money don't pan out very well.

Obviously your living arrangements are not working. If it’s your house then ask them to move out. Why are they there? Do you need their help? Are you helping them financially by allowing them to live there.

I’m sorry that you are struggling so much in your grieving. Please find a grief support group. You will meet others that are going through similar circumstances.

Best wishes to you.

It would be a cold day in hell before my kids moved in and gave me an area. This happened to my GF. She allowed her daughter and her husband to move in because he was laid off. They ended up taking over. Her daughter had a stroke (at 40). My GF and the husband had a fight because he felt GF should be caring for her daughter. Now, he was still laid off and my GF stood on her feet all day running a hair salon. Her daughter and husband eventually moved out.

If my husband goes before me, I plan on selling my house and moving to an apartment.

Patty, so no one in this living arrangement is happy?! In a few hours it’ll be a new year and it certainly sounds like it’s time for a new plan for all of you, starting with separate households for you and your daughter along with her family. Please don’t feel bad about this, it’s the natural cycle of life and a healthy one. If the house needs selling to make this happen then so be it, it’s just a house. Home can be anywhere that is comfortable and you’ll enjoy. Maybe something small for you and whatever they work out for themselves. It’s not on you to help them, they are adults. Please don’t continue to stay there and be miserable, life is too short for that and your relationships need rescue, rescue that will best happen in two living places. Best wishes...

This is your home? Didn't certainly realize THAT. Then I think that if they are unhappy in your home they shuld move into their own home. The living together is clearly not working. Of course they should go out and ring in the New Year. Clearly you are well enough and able to handle your own evening. I wouldn't leave the house on New Years anymore for love or money.
You are very young. Of course you can "kick them out". You simply tell them that living together isn't working, you appreciate their help, but it isn't working and it is making ALL OF YOU unhappy. Give them say three months to find their own place. Or sell them yours, and then move with your own proceeds from your own home to your own apartment and get a new life. For our times you are young. I am 77 and am out there doing everything. So should you be while you are able. You could easily have three more decades of life.
I cannot imagine that your DIL would write to the forum for advice, then turn it upon you on New Years Eve, but as you said, you are not getting along. That is NO WAY to live. It becomes habit. Everyone blames everyone else.
So basically it is in your hands. You would likely live with a stranger, a room mate, more happily than you are living with THIS.
Happy New Year, and do all you can to make it happy. Tell them that this is not working for any of you, and you need now to plan a way to live in seperate quarters. Then they won't be blaming YOU for their staying in on New Year Eve. Lordy! My own partner wants to go to a friends early party tonight, and is going, so he can see old friends they shared much of their lives. I DON'T want to and am staying home with Inspector Morse on TV and Sausage and Beans and we are both happier than pigs in s_ _ _, if you know what I mean. No one's to blame. Life is short. When it works living with someone and letting them be them, then it works and when it doesn't it is best to end it there.

OK, I read your other posts also, and let me say that you are grieving, and perhaps moving your daughter and her family in was a knee jerk reaction in the early days of your loss. HOw was your relationship with her family before this happened? You mention that they have trouble helping you with the bills at your co joined home,, were they having financial problems before you moved them in? And you keep mentioning that it your home. Are you making them feel like they "owe" you, or letting them make some changes so that it also feels like "their "home? Are you letting them be the parents to their sons. or are you telling them how to raise them? ( after all, you are seeing yourself as possibley older and wiser?) As to New Years eve,, will you even be up at midnight? I am 61 and I know my 89 YO mom, and hubs and I will be in bed way before then! My 31 YO daughter will be whooping it up with her friends,, as it should be! You should have encouraged them to go out with their friends.. maybe you could have watched the grandsons and celebrated with them, as I doubt they were invited to the adult celebrations. I know this is hard, but times change and if you need their help some compromises need to be made.

Hi patty, did you read the responses on your other post? https://www.agingcare.com/questions/im-the-mil-in-my-home-my-children-moved-in-with-me-454967.htm