My brother and I went Sunday to visit the assisted living facility. It was very nice. It was clean and the elderly were interacting with each other. We saw them eating at the dining hall and we saw different kinds of assisted living apartments. One bedroom and a couple different studio apartments. The gentleman that talked to both of us was very nice and answered our questions. I walked out of there feeling hopeful. We then went to my mother's house. We went inside and she was sitting on the chair in the kitchen with all the clutter around her. She was surprised and happy to see my brother. After a little chit chat back and forth my brother told her she had to go to assisted living. You can’t live this way he said. We went on to tell her about the facility we visited. She said I’m not going anywhere. I’m happy in my own house. I am going to die in my own house. That ended our conversation with her. We said our goodbyes and left. In the car my brother said everything you have all told me all along. He said you can’t change her, there is nothing you can do to make her change her mind, go to work and call 911 for her when she needs it, and only go there once a week with the mail and take out garbage. If she is snotty to me, then LEAVE!
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Keep the numbers for the rehabs in your phone. You are going to need them at a moment's notice. You might consider touring them as well.
Well done!
I'm glad you have your brother to talk to and to understand the magnitude of what you're dealing with. While he can't fix it either, he CAN commiserate with you and the two of you can lean on one another for support. Oh, and US too!!!
We love you Elaine. And I'm sending you a giant hug of support right now. Just know you've already gone above & beyond the call of duty as a daughter here.
I get how it is a life long situation with your brother and sister in law about the loss of their child. Nothing is more devastating than that.
I can’t imagine how painful that is. It is heartbreaking for them. I am glad that your brother is coping with such a terrible loss. Having a good therapist is a blessing in our lives.
You know that you have done everything possible and my heart breaks for you and your brother, as well as your mom because she could be in a better place and be cared for as she should be.
If she cooperated then you and your brother could breathe a sigh of relief but she won’t do it. I can’t say that I am surprised. It’s typical behavior for her. I wanted to have hope and I have prayed for for all of you. I will continue to pray.
Sometimes I feel like God is sleeping but I know he isn’t. He gave us all a brain to use and free will. Unfortunately, your mom is using her free will to cause harm to herself and to make you and your family miserable. She certainly isn’t using her brain. I still wonder if she is just stubborn, some people are incredibly stubborn or if she isn’t capable of thinking clearly due to some type of mental illness.
I hate to speak badly about your mom to you but I truly feel like she is being selfish by only wanting to please herself and not giving a rat’s azz about her children who sincerely care about her wellbeing. I hardly know what else to say. What else is there to say? Nothing, but to say I am so sorry for all of your frustration. I really am.
All you can do now is wait for the other shoe to drop and I truly hope that your mom doesn’t suffer due to her not placing herself in a safe environment. This must be like going through hell for all of you. It would be horribly frustrating and painful to me.
It’s hard to accept because regardless of her not respecting your feelings, you are still concerned for her. I get that. I know that you don’t want any harm to come to her. I wouldn’t dare tell you not to let it bother you because how can it not be disturbing to you. It’s a heavy load to carry. Very heavy indeed always weighing you down. Again, I am so sorry. A million hugs for you. 💗