I found a secret that helps me deal with them!

Question

I recently added 2 new elders to my list of caregiving, for a total of 5. It's pretty overwhelming, and each of them has their own set of health and mental problems. I often gripe here, or to my friends who've been through it. Worst of all, it's turned into winter where they all live and I'm mostly stuck here until they all kick the bucket.

Suddenly, I realized that I was utterly depressed and depleted. The phone calls for help sometimes start at 7:15 AM and often go until the last one goes to sleep around 9:30/10. So I...masked up, was super careful, wore a face shield, carried a gallon of sanitizer, disinfected my seat, tray table, air vent thing, etc. and...flew to my happy place, my real home in Los Angeles.

Just one week in a well-sanitized hotel room, albeit eating prepped meals from Trader Joe's and only meeting friends and family outdoors from 6-10' away was not ideal...but the respite from the elders gave me renewed life energy to serve their myriad of needs. I'd like to suggest that whatever "taking a break" means to you, that you find a way to do it. I can handle them all now with so much more love and patience!

PS: I don't need a lecture about covid, I'm well aware of the pandemic. My message is to reassure each of us that self-care is critical for survival while we're doing this for old folks.

JaneCS · Accepted Answer

Excellent comment! Helpful
thanks !

SeniorStruggles · Answer

Thanks for these comments, everyone. One asked how my father and his wife (the most needy of the five) were "cared for" while I was away. They have a housekeeper once a week; I delivered a lot of homemade meals for her to just heat up; my father can still drive, albeit slowly; and my stepmom is happy to stay home and do whatever she does all day. They live 10 minutes away from me in a ground floor condo. I counted: I got 15 phone calls from them in six days I was away, three in one day. Those were to solve a problem I've solved repeatedly: "My computer won't turn on!" I learned to go through the same sequence: "Did you push the power button? can you try typing your name on the keyboard? is the plug inserted fully into the port on the left side? is the plug in the socket?" This time, she semi-scolded me for asking such a dumb question about whether it was plugged into the socket right behind the chair she sits in to use her brand new laptop, since it would require ever-so-slowly turning around to glance at the wall. What do I think she is? 25 again? Later, it magically began working again. *sigh* I actually took a Sharpie and circled the On button and pointed arrows at it, but sometimes it still apparently is hard to find.

*Lord, grant me patience, and I want it RIGHT NOW!*

Martz06 · Answer

We recently did the same thing. Drove a few hours north and stayed in a hotel and got to get out and see nature. I was a little worried with Covid but we took precautions. We had food delivered instead of going out to eat. True it was different than our previous vacations but you gotta do what you gotta do &#128522;

Tothill · Answer

Good for you for recognizing your needs and taking care of them.

AlvaDeer · Answer

Traveling this journey with you since you first took the elders into the condo. Started out with the dog.  Always enjoy your posts, and relieved you have had a respite. Trust you implicitly to protect yourself from Covid.  Carry on!

funkygrandma59 · Answer

It's no "secret" that caregivers need to get a break one way or the other every now and again. I've been hearing and knowing that for many years, however for some in the trenches, it's easier said than done, and most of us don't have the luxury of jumping on a plane to our "happy place".

For most of us, it's just being able to take an uninterrupted shower, or running to the grocery store, or getting to go to lunch or supper with a friend, or just taking a walk in our neighborhood, that gives us the little repreve that we need to continue on with caring for our loved one.

I'm glad you learned what most of us caregivers have known for years, and that you were able to implement it in some way that worked for you.

AnnReid · Answer

Sounds like Heaven, and since you’ve been putting Angel Training into PRACTICE, your report is like a beacon of light for some of us who are still trying frantically to figure it out.

CTTN55 · Answer

Who took over the caregiving while you were gone for a week?

sjplegacy · Answer

Great advice! Far too many caregivers don't understand the importance of taking a break. Your hands are full but even having just a single person to care for requires the caregiver take time out for themselves.

BurntCaregiver · Answer

Good for you being able to take a little break. You've taken all the necessary safety precautions about Covid, so there's nothing wrong with you getting away from it for a while.

Chriscat83 · Answer

SeniorStruggles, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with, taking care of so many! You are absolutely right about needing respite from this role. Carers are only human after all, and have their own basic needs like anyone else, but that is so easily overlooked in the day to day grind of looking after others. I agree too that a break from all of this helps to clear the mind as well as give you time to take a rest. Sometimes I think it can also help you see a particular situation or problem more clearly, and give you ideas to make aspects of caring less burdensome on your return. I cannot lecture you on the issue of Covid - the health benefits to you outweighed the risks, so your actions were perfectly valid in my book. We would not question a patient needing to go somewhere for health treatment, and spending time in a hotel was your “treatment” during which you took all necessary and responsible precautions.

I found a secret that helps me deal with them!

11 Comments

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question