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Grace21 Posted February 2021

My mother's journey has ended

My mother passed on January 13, 2021. I am not as sad as I thought I would be. I just can't be sad (at least not at this time) because I asked God to please release her because Alzheimer's and Dementia had ravaged her mind and body (she weighed less than 80 pounds). She did not appear to be in any pain and she did not stop walking until a week before she passed and her transition was smooth. This has been a difficult journey for me as well, in the last 6 years I have been the caregiver for three family members. This is the 1st time in 6 years that I have not taken care of at least one of them and I pray that I never have to be a caregiver again, it effects your health and causes you to grow old fast. I will continue to visit the forum, because I remember how comforting it was to see caregivers who's loved one had passed still responding to me. As always I pray that all of your situations work out for you.
Grace

Bridger46146 Feb 2021
I’m sorry for your lost. I lost both my mom and dad in 2020. I miss them both, but I’m glad they didn’t suffer.

VickyC Feb 2021
I also lost my mom December 20th of this last year of this dreadful disease.
I thought maybe I was the only one feeling this way, but I feel the same way that you do. Mom was 82 and could not walk at all and was skin and bones. I wouldn't bet she weighed more than 60 or 70 pounds when she passed. I am not sad like I thought I should be after she died (I was there when she took her last breath). I have so much peace in my heart now instead of pain or sadness. I'm just so happy that she's better now and she knows my name! All of my siblings feel the same as I do. I think because we have been watching her die for the last year that we have been saying our goodbyes for so long. Dad is another story though but we are praying that he will pull through his depression. He had been in denial up until the week she passed.
I'm so sorry about the lost of your mom and you are in my prayers.

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NYDaughterInLaw Feb 2021
May the good memories of your mother be a blessing to you. Peace.

ExhaustedPiper Feb 2021
Grace, I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you much healing and peace.

NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2021
Grace,

So very sorry for the loss of your mom. May she Rest In Peace.

Sweetstuff Feb 2021
Grace, I am very sorry for the loss of your Mom. Maybe your sadness was already felt over the years as your Mom got sicker and you lost her little by little. I imagine when my Moms time comes, I will be at peace as her suffering will be over. I am glad your Mom passed peacefully. Take care of yourself and thank you for staying on this forum. Your experience and wisdom is priceless to us still on this journey.

Bertieseay01 Feb 2021
Your situation is as if I had written it. My Mom passed 2 weeks ago today. I also had Prayed that she could be spared anymore mental anguish. She did not know who my Sister or I was. I almost feel guilty of for not being more upset. I stayed with her All nights and many days for the last 6 years. She only recently went into a NH/Rehab to help her get walking again after a 2 week hospital stay. She never returned home. Her death certificate stated cause of death as:.
COVID19 DEMENTIA. YES she had supposedly tested Positive for COVID, but after 10 days I was told I could Not just do a Window visit(as I had done several times & that was almost unbearable).I was told I could Do a "Compassion Visit" and go inside, as her health had rapidly declined in 7 days time. I was tested for COVID after she was and we were both deemed OK-NO COVID. I Was still suited up from Head to Toe so I could go in to see her. I don't Really think she Knew I was there, but I talked, combed her hair and spent time with her. I told her it was O.K. to Let Go and go to be with my Dad. In less than 4 hours she passed. I really feel Mom is at peace now in Heaven.

SnoopyLove Feb 2021
Blessings to you, Grace. Thanks for being part of this forum.

cxmoody Feb 2021
Grace,
I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you in advance for staying around this forum. Those of us new on this journey will certainly benefit from your experience.

OkieGranny Feb 2021
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4

TekkieChikk Feb 2021
Dear Grace, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your mother was truly blessed to have such a kind, caring daughter. Don't fret thinking you should feel a greater level of sadness, your mom's time had come and you were prepared for it. Moving forward I hope you are comforted by your memories and take time to focus solely on yourself now, you have certainly earned it.

AlvaDeer Feb 2021
I am glad you will continue to stay on the Forum, Grace, because your voice will be invaluable to others. Especially I hope you will share you beautiful feelings about your loss.
I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad for the release for your Mom and your own release. I recall when my Dad died, and my brother--both men so loved by me my entire life--the feeling of "grace" if you will. That they had never to be exhausted, desperate, confused, in pain again. That they were safe. That I never to witness my own helplessness to make a difference in their daily losses of motor abilitiy, of dignity, of choice, of who they were, of their very minds. It was a relief. And yes, I felt sorry for myself, as well. While they will live within me every single day of my life, I will never see them again in this my life.
You will have an adjustment to make now. That won't be easy. If you need help, get it and I think Licensed Social Workers do best, those trained in life passage work for helping us to move into a life we forgot existed.
My best out to you. I find your ability to express this profound, and am so glad you did.

funkygrandma59 Feb 2021
I am glad that your mother was able to go peacefully, and that your caregiving journey is now over. Now it's time for you to take care of you. Please take as much time as you need to do just that. May the Good Lord comfort you, bless you and give you rest.

NobodyGetsIt Feb 2021
Dear "Grace21,"

My deepest condolences to you in the loss of your mother. I'm thankful that God answered your prayers for your mom to be released from a disease that is painful for not just them but, for their caregivers/loved ones. I'm glad she didn't appear to be in any pain and her transition was a smooth one. How amazing for her to have still been able to walk right up until the end especially weighing less than 80 pounds.

I'm sure you're most likely numb and any other emotions are just kind of on the backburner until they're ready to emerge. Right now, I can imagine you're exhausted especially having taken care of three family members. It will seem odd for the caregiving to suddenly have stopped and you will be trying to plan how you will fill in those times with something else. Sometimes we find it difficult as strange as that may sound not to know what to do with ourselves.

You're so right, caregiving affects our health and causes us to grow old way before our time.

As your name says, Grace - may God's "grace" and comfort be with you in the next phase of this long journey.

Do take care of yourself now and God bless you for all you've done! Many (((hugs))) to you!

Daughterof1930 Feb 2021
Thank you for sharing Grace. I’m sorry for you loss. Also grateful that your mother is at peace. I know the combination of being sad missing someone but at the same time not wanting their suffering to have continued. Sadness definitely mixes with relief for our loved ones. I wish you healing and comfort as you move forward

Countrymouse Feb 2021
Wishing your mother peaceful rest, Grace. I'm sorry for your loss, and for the loss over the years.

And you? How are you? I remember how difficult it was to know what to do with myself, so I hope you're adjusting and taking your time.

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