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Dinzel Posted March 2021

Narcissistic mother discards and disinherits child adopted as a baby.

My mother told me at age 63 that I was adopted as a little baby. In spite of her "infertility" she had a male child 8 years later than myself. He is 56 now and has never worked. He cane back from overseas six years ago and installed himself as carer. Neither parent then needed one. Last year he persuaded her to change Will and make him POA. I am all alone and in poverty. I am now completely disinherited as he told me they owe me nothing as I was adopted. Enabling father lets it happen.Very wealthy family but looking back now I can see I was always controlled and abused by Narc. Mum. I feel betrayed and used as I loved them and they were all I knew.

freqflyer Mar 2021
Dinzel, may I ask if your parents have memory issues, such as Alzheimer's or dementia?

Why I ask is that my cousin's Mom also told her [she was in her 50's] she was adopted because after having 4 sons she wanted a daughter so they adopted. My cousin knew it wasn't true and that it was the "dementia talking".

Dinzel Mar 2021
Thank you for your comments and I appreciate them and more.I am in Australia and have seen the new will.I cannot return to work as I have Cancer.I once had a good job and perhaps adoptees do this but I bought them many beautiful things such as gold jewellery.In the old Will .it said that it was to. be returned to me.I neglected to say they lost a little girl prior to me and say they got me to replace her.That hurts.I do know my brother has ever worked in a conventional sense because he is is well-known drug dealer and always has been.Now that I know I am adopted, a lot more makes sense.I was abused as a child by my mother but many more instances come to mind.My own treatment is expensive and the money would have been useful.I was legally adopted.Thank you and any further advice would be most appreciated.

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Isthisrealyreal Mar 2021
I would verify that you have actually been disinherited and then I would check your state laws.

I live in Arizona and you can not disinherit an adopted child, it is illegal. I would check with your state and then let it go. If it is illegal what a great surprise your brother is in for when your mom dies. Imagine the surprise that he doesn't get it all.

I am truly sorry that you are being discarded by a person that chose you and made you her daughter. No one deserves what you are going through but, you know and you are in control of your future. Make it wonderful, that is the best way to have victory in this crummy situation.

Geaton777 Mar 2021
You can't choose your family but you can choose how much influence they have over you and how much you engage with them. If you keep fixating about inheritance, money and their will, you are allowing them to still control you. You say you are impoverished now and I don't question that, but if you are hanging all hope on an inheritance, you will further make your life miserable since you don't really know how much debt they have and what their elder care will cost (and it is significant -- an astonishing amount). If you are still working, then continue to do so. If you retired, go back out and get a job. There's not many other options for you. Also, fyi (and because you seemed skeptical), my infertility specialist informed us that someone is almost never 100% infertile for their entire childbearing years..."it's not a matter of IF, it's only a matter of when" a woman conceives. Many couples who adopt also eventually have biological children. Our bodies are ever-changing marvels.

Finally, try to resist interpreting your situation through the filter of being adopted...there are plenty of people on this forum who have the exact same issue as you, only they are biological children. Being adopted may have absolutely nothing to do with your situation. I don't deny it is causing you much pain and sorrow. I wish you peace in your heart as you move beyond your family's dysfunction.

AlvaDeer Mar 2021
You are grown up now and on your own. Disengage from this abusive family and make yourself a life. There is no inheritance that can make up for this treatment. The answer is to leave them in your dust. Get a job. Stay away from them and work you way up. I understand that you loved them. They were, however, unworthy of that love. You cannot change them. But you clearly are bright, and you CAN change yourself.

BurntCaregiver Mar 2021
You say your brother came back from overseas six years ago and has never worked. How do you know what he did overseas and whether or not he "worked"? Nothing personal against you, but when people feel they need to add 'didn't work' or 'doesn't work' to a story like yours, it makes me think the person telling the story has done some wrong as well.
If you were legally adopted by your parents and they kept that secret until you were 63, then they loved and cared for you at some point in your life and probably still do.
I would not take your brother's or your parents' word for it that they've changed the will. Not unless you've actually seen it. So call your brother's bluff. Your parents making your brother who lives with them POA, does not mean they disinherited you from their will. Make them show it to you. If your brother is bluffing and they didn't actually change their will, then you need to have a talk with them and keep a close eye on their situation to make sure your brother doesn't actually have a new will drawn up.
Always remember to never think of their money as yours. Elderly people are hard enough as it is to deal with, but add wealth and they become absolutely intolerable. I know it's hard for you because you're poor, but you might have to suck it up a little bit with your family. In the long run it will be for your own benefit.

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