The terrible day arrived, Mom didn't know who I am.

I'm late to the game with my response, Cashew, but although her forgetting who you are is scary for her and tearful for you, as her disease progresses, remember it's not so much her knowing who you are anymore, as it is you merely being with her. Hold her hand, and although she may not know you, tell her you're the one who loves her.

When my mother was in the hospital, at the time I didn't know how bad of shape she was in, one night she looked at me and told me to tell my son.... The nurse's jaw dropped because I had been with her all day.

I don't know if she sundowned, was playing around or really didn't recognize me. It was the only overt time it happened.

The weird thing is that I just rolled with it like it didn't even happen.

My mother on occasion thinks I am her mother. She will say" good night mama." I will softly tell her she is my mother and give her a hug and kiss .My mother knows who I am most of the time but it is sad and heartbreaking when she does not remember at times. Maybe your mom was tired today and as the day moved on she felt less tired. I am glad she remembered who you were later in the day.

I’m so sorry for you. When it happened with my mom, it was saddening. Now, it’s full-time non-recognition. She had 10 children and can’t remember any of them. I accept it, as she’s in the end stages of dementia. But I am hoping and praying that God will give her peace soon.

I know exactly how you feel. My mom would know me some days, and others not and your mom will probably do the same thing--go in and out like a radio station. But this is the time to really love her more than ever. I would always tell my mom, "You are precious to me" so now is the time to save your voicemails of her, take videos of her with your phone...spend as much time with her as you can and even if she doesn't know who you are, just be her very best friend. Hold her hand and tell her you are someone that loves her very much and she has nothing to be afraid of. My poor mother passed last month at 85 and she had dementia about 2 1/2 years and in that time, her and I became very close. It's not the dementia that killed her however. She was on blood thinners (Eliquis) and one night she got up to go the bathroom and took a terrible fall in her bedroom and hit her head. This caused a brain bleed and she declined in the hospital, never got any better, and passed 4 days later. It all went quick like the blink of an eye. I watched her lie in that hospital bed, I had to view her body after she passed, I had to speak with the coroner, I had to go to the funeral home and plan her funeral, and then I had to view her body after they placed her in the casket. Looking back on all of this, I don't know how I did it. I am almost 57 and I will tell you I think I was in shock. I hardly even cried at the funeral because I was trying to be strong for my poor dad and son. But now that weeks have passed, I am not focusing on her "end" and I have stopped going over in my mind the events that led to her death. Her dying was totally out of my control. I always felt like a "fixer" and for a couple of weeks I was mad at myself because I couldn't "fix" her. I didn't want to lose my mother but I didn't know how to keep her. So I don't fixate on her demise anymore and I am celebrating her wonderful life and the love she gave me. I prayed to have a dream of her and I actually had that dream on Mother's Day morning and I really needed that and it made for a very peaceful day. I asked her in my dream, "Momma, are you okay?" And she said, "Yes, why wouldn't I be??" So I am at peace now, watching old videos of her, playing old voicemails, and laughing at the good times we had and the funny things she'd say. So what I'm trying to get at (if you're still reading this) is don't let her not knowing you bother you. She will go in and out depending on the day or moment. Now is the time to enjoy her and feel blessed that you still have her. Prayers to you...it's a long hard road but you can do it. You will find strength when you didn't even know you had it.

This happened to me for the first time today too, except mom thought I was my sister. Thanks to this forum I knew what to expect, but my sister hasn’t helped one whit, so today has not been the best day. I really appreciate you making this post!

Side note I have naturally ‘loud’ all-over-the-place long hair, and since the last time mom landed in the hospital I decided to always wear it down as a signature look. It’s helped her recognize me and when I point to it she does remember. That won’t last forever but the ‘signature look’ has helped so far.

Hugs to you!

Cashew: I am so sorry for you. If it's any consolation, at least your mother recognized you later in the day. Please come back here for support from wonderful forum members.

I can empathize with you & know how hard it is for you. Cherish the times you had with your mom when she knew who you were. Keep them in your heart. Cherish your time with her now while she's alive. When she doesn't remember you, draw on those times that are stored in your heart. Don't be angry or let her know how much it hurts you. Spend time with her & talk of times spent together in the past whether with you or from stories that she shared with you. Play her favorite TV show, movie or music. Even when she may not know your name, deep inside she knows that you're familiar & cares for you. Even if she gets angry with you, remember that the dementia or Alzheimer's is what's making her act like she is now. Her memory may come & go, hopefully she'll have more good times than bad. Your mom is the person who raised you, took cared of you, and loved you! Now she is what dementia has done to her. For your own mental well-being, try to distinguish between the two. Take a break if she upsets you even if you just go in the other room for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths. Find ways to recharge when you are not with her .Get in a support group if possible, it will help you as you & your mom go through this journey. I lost my mom 3 years ago to Alzheimer's & it was very difficult as I suffered with depression & anxiety. I couldn't have made it through as well as I did without the support of my family, friends, church family, counselors, doctors, & my Alzheimer's support group.💕🙏

Store up all the memories you can of your mother and hold them close. Tell your mom stories you remember from growing up - maybe make her a story book with pictures from the time of the story.

It must be heartbreaking to go through this. May you be blessed with peace and grace.

So sorry. God bless both of ypu.

DO the Alzheimer thing-- distract-- do not react... take her for a walk and enjoy her-- what will be worse ? When she is gone, right? Go enjoy her. You will receive a blessing for it later... and be so much more reassured in the long run.

My father didn't know who I was but he knew I was someone who cared about him and came to see him all the time. He was always glad to see me. That counts!

Yes. That day, the one where your loved one forgets who you are, is the worst day ever.

The only solace is that, it tends to come and go. And, I am certain that they remember us deep down.

They might not know exactly who we are, but they seem to know that we love them.

Cashew,

I'm sorry you're going through this pain. Can you think of your mom's memory loss like this? : Certain memories are filed away in the basement of her brain, in the bottom drawer of a dusty old filing cabinet. The memory is there; she just can't access it.

It is so hard to relinquish the loved ones we once knew. Just know that deep inside, your mother's soul knows and loves you.

Oh I know the hurt, being through it with my Mom. With this disease it is hard to know when or if this can happen and it can happen in a second. I was also amazed at the times she would remember me, but as I left the room and came back, I was now the housekeeper.

I found the best I could do was to get into her world. Just know even when her brain is not letting her remember you at that moment, her heart is never forgetting you and your love. You might have read my remembrance before on this forum, when my Mother didn’t know I was her daughter, thinking I was the housekeeper, but she said, “I don’t know why, but I have loved you from the first day I met you.” So you see that love is in their heart. She has not really forgotten you. Please carry that thought close to your heart.❤️

I have an idea for you to try. Show your mom of picture of you 10 years younger than you are now. If she still does not know who you are show her another picture of you 15 and try again; if not, go back to where you are younger and younger.

When someone has Alzheimer's, they lose the memories that happen later in life first. That is why they are often looking for their children; they don't recognize them as adults but do remember them as children. This is also why many women with Alzheimer's carry around babies thinking they are their children. If they are in a nursing home, they may try to walk out of a facility around 3 pm; the reason they do this is because they want to meet their children at the bus stop.

If you show your mom a picture of you younger and she knows who you are, you can tell her that it is you; she may or may not accept that. If she does great, if she does not, she may know the girl in the picture but not believe it is you. So enjoy knowing that she knows who that girl is and tell her you to know that young girl and have a conversation about your life when you were that age.

I hope this helps you and don't forget to take care of yourself!

Cheryl

I have an idea for you to try. Show your mom of picture of you 10 years younger than you are now. If she still does not know who you are show her another picture of you 15 and try again, if not go back to where you are younger and younger.

When someone has Alzheimer's they lose the memories that happen later in life first. That is why they are often looking for their children, they don't recognize them as adults but do remember them as children. This is also why many women with Alzheimer's carry around babies thinking they are their children. Often times if they are in a nursing home they may try to walk out of a facility around 3 pm, the reason they do this is because they are wanting to meet their children at the bus stop.

If you show your mom a picture of you younger and she knows who that is you can try and tell her that is you, she may or may not accept that. If she does great, if she does not she may know the girl in the picture but not believe it is you. So enjoy knowing that she knows who that girl is and tell her you know that young girl and have a conversation about your life when you were that age.

I hope this helps you and don't forget to take care of yourself!

Cheryl

❤...
Praying for strength during this stage in life.
Trust me she knows exactly who you are make no mistake about it.
Please get support professionally..(Teepa Snow)
look her up on YouTube😊.
If you can do the things she loves with positive family and friends you'll be surprised just how much you both will benefit.
Like one of the comments made on the board here was that she is a gift from God our Father in Heaven he knows and sees...so just believe as you seek him He'll guide you through this process just have faith,it will All work out because he loves his kids.
Sending warm Big hugs and a gentle kiss that you guys will get through this and all the angles will guard you in all your ways.
I know first hand what you are experiencing.
Record as much as possible and take a lot of 🤳 Selfies😉.
This was healing for me and my family when my Auntie went back home to Heaven where she is having so much fun with her family and friends. HEAVEN IS TRULY FOR REAL!!!!
Love in Chirist Sis.👑

I feel your emotions. My 87 y.o. Mother has lived with me for 4 years. Within the last 2 years she has called me Momma, or said I was her sister or, her aunt. At times if I ask her my name she will say my grandmother's name. It does come and go. Last month during a regular check up, she told her Neurologist that I was her mother and said her mother's name. An hour later we were home and when I asked if she knew who I was she laughed, said Of Course I do, you're my Daughter and called my name. Now it takes more for her to remember my name. Last year I took comfort when she confirmed that she sometimes called me Momma simply because I was taking care of her. Forgetting simple things like how to swallow pills or how to eat one minute and then doing those things without problem the next minute is seemingly normal behavior. I had to teach myself to adjust accordingly in order to deal with the emotional pain. God Bless You.

My heart is with you.
Here's a hug.
Another cannot know the pain and grief you feel if not experiencing this themselves (as I haven't). I can only imagine how deeply painful this is and I feel you in my heart.
Thank you for posting here - to get some support and empathy.
This is - for me - a reminder to be as PRESENT in PRESENT time as much as possible; to take in the good and forgive all else... to appreciate what we have and had vs focusing on what we coulda shoulda and / or didn't have.
Crying is so healing - to get it out.

We cannot run away from life and what happens [our hurts and pain] - we can try to hide (often through addictions, medications, numbing out
Feeling 100% of what we feel 100% of the time . . .
Allowing 100% of the time to feel okay about how we feel
Not easy
I hesitate to say this although I 100% believe it to be true.
Your mom knows who you are; it is a part of her brain that is forgetting.
She will never forget in her soul and heart.

Understandably sad but the recognition seems to come and go with my 97 yr old Dad.

Even sometines when he doesn't know my name, he still knew I was his daughter and when he doesn't recognize a family member, he still knows they're someone he's close to and feels comfortable with.
Even in the end if it comes to he doesn't ever seem to recognize me, he knows if he feels good or bad in your presence and he will respond. So, just keep doing the things mom always liked for when she's gone, you'll have no regrets.

Prayers

I still remember that day mom didn’t know who I was. Boy did I cry! I finally accepted the fact that her memory was getting worse, but she did have her lucid days where she knew me. I took some satisfaction in her earlier stages of Dementia when my younger sister who never helped, but finally took mom for a few weeks at my husband’s insistence, was not recognized by mom at all. Mom knew my sister’s daughters but she did not know her own daughter. As time went on I would practice with mom daily, what is her name, what is my name. Some days she got it right. Other days, not. On the day before she passed, she emphatically said, “You’re my daughter Mary!” With that I gave her a big embrace with tears in my eyes. I will cherish that always.

When that happened with my dad, from that point on, I was able to connect to him still, through loving hugs and concerns. And I bought him a cute frosty the snowman stuffed toy, that he loved to hug and carry around. Lead with your heart.

It is very difficult, but your mother has become a time traveller into the past. All you can do is try to understand where in her past life she is, get beside her and remind her of any happy memories linked to that moment. Yes, in a sense she does not know who you are, but she trusts you and is sharing with you where she is. That is the only gift she can give.

Love and Prayer

When that happened I decided to give my mom the best memories of her life for the remainder of her life. It's the only thing you can do. There was nothing else I could have done. I'm sure my mom in heaven or elsewhere appreciates this. I had a dream about this. Good luck

I know that is hard. My mom occasionally mistakes my dad for her dad when talking about him. A while ago she wanted me to go up in the rafters to get her dad's old trombone for him to play when he got home from the hospital. My dad would never touch a trombone!

She has not known who I was a couple of times. Others tell me when I'm not in the room, she sometimes doesn't remember me, doesn't know who they're talking about. It's funny because when I am in the room, I'm clearly her favourite.

It's really sad when a loved ones' mind fades.

Tears are okay. I am glad that later your mom knew you, that is a gift! Earlier in the day, did she think you were someone else? My friend's mom often thinks she is her sister, even though her sister died forty years ago. I hope you can rest peacefully tonight.

I’m so sorry.

This is so hard.

My mom thought that I was her mom to the other day. Sigh.